The pen name thing leaves him thinking for a second. The tongue peeking out of his mouth shows it's a good kind of thinking, though - he isn't uncomfortable, the opposite in fact. He's finally got a plan, maybe he can find his footing after all. Jaskier is feeling more content, more secure. As for a pen name - not to start. Maybe later, to publish the dirty stuff once he has a sense of the industry. But first, he can do like home, sticking to the poetry and the lyrics.
He snaps out of it when she makes her witcher joke, and he laughs pretty hard.
"Who knows, maybe those fucking portals will drop another witcher soon and you may get your wish." It does ease his mind a little. "If you think my cock is nice, you should see Geralt's. As thick as the rest of him." He shakes his head, almost in disbelief. "I bet his brothers are the same."
She’s used to Jaskier’s suggestive comments by now, but Midge still flushes slightly when he mentions the size of Geralt’s cock. She presumes he’s seen it when they’ve been out in the field camping together, but Midge once again wonders if the two of them ever had anything.
“I think your cock fits very nicely inside me,” Midge tells him. “Any bigger and it might be painful.”
So much for making him think that she wants other men. She’s terrible at this.
"You're picturing it, aren't you?" he asks while snickering. He kisses both her cheeks. "You're so cute when you blush."
Her concerns are valid, though, so Jaskier doesn't think anything of it. In fact, he grins around the bottle neck as he takes another sip.
"Too big may hurt a little, yes," he admits, clearly talking from experience. "But there's nicely big. With enough lubrication, it feels wonderfully full."
“How can I not be?” Midge asks with a laugh. Inadvertently, she picks up one of the penis chocolates and blushes harder before putting it in her mouth.
“Yeah, I’m sure, but you fill me exactly right. It’s like Goldilocks.”
Jaskier laughs at her choice of chocolate and decides to do the same to carry on the joke. He really likes it when she blushes.
Goldilocks isn't something he recognizes, no - but he draws the wrong conclusion from her comparison. Jaskier raises his eyebrows. "You call me out for writing raunchy stuff, but what have you been reading? Please do tell me more about this Goldilocks lad and their size preferences."
Midge snorts a laugh. “Goldilocks is a girl, first of all. It’s a story about a girl who sneaks into the house of three bears and uses their things. Some of them are too big or too small, too hot or too cold, but some of them are juuuuust right.” She looks up at him. “That’s your cock. A Goldilocks cock. Juuuust right.”
this is extra funny when you consider that book Jaskier is blond and curls his hair
Midge's very short summary is enough for Jaskier to recognize a cautionary tale for children, and her comparison makes sense. However, Jaskier completely loses it at 'Goldilocks cock'. The city is starting to wake up, so hopefully the neighbors on the last floor don't hear him laughing his ass off.
"A Goldilocks cock! It's flattering to be called just right, yet I'm sensing a joke at the expense of my cock in your next routine. How dare you, missy." He pokes her stomach just to tease. "Mayhaps I should write it first. Tell the real story of Goldilocks, the crossdressing man who got to try some different kind of 'bears'."
He's been picking some slang from Rainbow Road, oops.
‘Goldilocks cock’ might appear in a future routine. Midge cannot confirm or deny that at this time. She laughs at his reaction, her eyes crinkled with mirth. Midge loves making him laugh.
“What?” she asks. “What other kind of bears are there?”
"Oh, Midge, you have to listen to this, it's amazing. The community here - the kind at Rainbow Road, I mean- they have a full culture, and that comes with its own slang." He's gesturing a lot, a good sign that indicates he's excited about this. "Bears are big, burly men with lots of body hair."
He waggles his eyebrows. Yeah, he wants to write the raunchy version of Goldilocks. To help his point, he grabs a cock chocolate and sucks on the tip before eating it.
"There's something about 'friend of Dorothy', too? The girl with the lion on the gold road? I want to watch that movie, see what the fuss is about."
“Oh my God,” she says with a laugh, now that she’s thinking about Goldilocks and this version of the three ‘bears’. Should she really be surprised that Jaskier made it dirty?
“So is Geralt a bear?” You know she had to ask, right?
Midge furrows her brow. “Oh, I’ve heard of that before. They’re talking about ‘The Wizard of Oz’, but I’m not really sure what the phrase means.”
Maybe Susie knows? Not that Midge would ever ask her.
"I asked myself the same question." He replies without hesitation. "But I don't think he's hairy enough. I have more body hair than him! Ah, but since I'm not burly, that makes me an otter."
Jaskier grins during the whole explanation, really loving all the details and sense of community he's found here. It's a pretty damn good reason why he doesn't want to leave this world.
"Mayhaps we can watch it together and learn. Do you know how we can achieve that? I've been dying to watch more movies anyway, they're so amazing. And the musicals at the theatre! What an amazing concept they are."
“A what?” she asks. Midge is definitely picturing Jaskier swimming happily in a river, and the image is hilarious.
“It’s a classic movie, so sometimes they still play it in the theaters. It’s based on a novel, but the movie is better.” Thank you MGM for taking a book about the gold standard and making it into an entertaining movie. “I said we should go to a show sometime. You’d love it.”
"An otter!" He puts a hand under his chin and bats his eyelashes. "Am I not as cute as one?" Jaskier loves swimming, so her mental image isn't far off.
"Yes, please, let's do it one of these nights." He raises the wine bottle only to find it empty. He sighs. "I suppose this is a sign to pick up camp."
Jaskier stands up and helps Midge do the same, but he doesn't let go of her hands - he pulls her closer for a sweet kiss. "It WAS fun." He nods, smiling widely. "Glad you enjoyed it. Most people need to see all the kinds of beauty that hide around the corners."
As usual, Midge hates to part from Jaskier after such a night of passion, but she manages, and life goes on as usual. A few days later, Jaskier will receive a text.
I have a problem and I think I need your help. Well, technically Geralt’s, I guess.
Letting her go truly is very hard. Jaskier steals as many kisses as he can in the elevator and even while they change. They text throughout the week as usual, but as days pass, the deadline also gets closer, and Jaskier still doesn't know what he'll do about the damn wedding.
When Midge starts her next text with the word 'problem', he fears she'll bring the subject up. Reading the rest of the text sounds very ominous and for once, it makes him wish it'd been about the wedding after all.
Fuck, that can't be good. What happened? Are you alright?
I’m fine, but Joel thinks there might be some kind of creature in his father’s clothing factory. He’s tried the standard exterminators and traps, but we have reason to believe that it might be magical.
you're not meeting me anywhere you're staying at fucking home
You know he's worried when he's typing so informally.
we can't know if it's serious now but i don't want to risk anyone getting hurt without more information so yes evacaute something else you can tell me besides active at night?
sounds good - I know nothing about Witcher monsters
fuck miriam then text him as a heads up and stay where you are
That's all he says, because Yennefer is opening the portal now. Jaskier and Geralt are dropped in an alley so they don't get attention from the public, and have to walk a block to the factory.
When they find Miriam waiting by the door, they both curse.
"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Jaskier cries out while Geralt grabs Midge by the arm and growls- "Leave."
She might have already been there when they first started texting. Midge doesn’t even have time to respond to Jaskier’s text, to process him using her full name, when he and Geralt are already approaching her.
There’s a group of workers standing outside looking confused over why they were told to evacuate the building. They look equally confused and alarmed when the huge man approaches Midge.
Jaskier is right. Geralt can be frightening. Midge is stunned into silence, which is broken by another voice.
“Hey! Get your hands off of her!”
A harried-looking man has just come out of the building and he’s glaring at Geralt. The witcher is twice Joel’s size, but he’d still fight him if he thought he was hurting Midge.
“What the hell is going on here?”
Midge holds up a placating hand. “Joel, I texted them about the creatures in the walls. They’re here to help.”
Jaskier can guess who this is at fucking sight. He wants to hate the guy, he really does, but he also can't blame him for protecting Midge from creepy men. Brave of him not to cower under Geralt's icy glare, honestly.
"Send your workers home," Geralt tells Joel with another growl, then he makes his way inside as he unsheathes his silver sword.
Jaskier sighs as he rushes to get between the door and the crowd with his hands up. See, this is why he has to come along. Can't depend on Geralt's communication skills.
"Worry not, my good people! The mighty witcher has come to save the day! And you should listen to him - everyone-" He glances at Midge. "-must go home. We don't want anyone to get hurt, now do we? Even if the creature goes down quickly, there will probably be lots of monster guts left to clean. There won't be any work done today."
Perhaps tomorrow either, depending on what it is, but better not mention that now. Don't want to make the crowd even more nervous.
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He snaps out of it when she makes her witcher joke, and he laughs pretty hard.
"Who knows, maybe those fucking portals will drop another witcher soon and you may get your wish." It does ease his mind a little. "If you think my cock is nice, you should see Geralt's. As thick as the rest of him." He shakes his head, almost in disbelief. "I bet his brothers are the same."
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“I think your cock fits very nicely inside me,” Midge tells him. “Any bigger and it might be painful.”
So much for making him think that she wants other men. She’s terrible at this.
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Her concerns are valid, though, so Jaskier doesn't think anything of it. In fact, he grins around the bottle neck as he takes another sip.
"Too big may hurt a little, yes," he admits, clearly talking from experience. "But there's nicely big. With enough lubrication, it feels wonderfully full."
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“Yeah, I’m sure, but you fill me exactly right. It’s like Goldilocks.”
Does he know that story?
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Goldilocks isn't something he recognizes, no - but he draws the wrong conclusion from her comparison. Jaskier raises his eyebrows. "You call me out for writing raunchy stuff, but what have you been reading? Please do tell me more about this Goldilocks lad and their size preferences."
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this is extra funny when you consider that book Jaskier is blond and curls his hair
"A Goldilocks cock! It's flattering to be called just right, yet I'm sensing a joke at the expense of my cock in your next routine. How dare you, missy." He pokes her stomach just to tease. "Mayhaps I should write it first. Tell the real story of Goldilocks, the crossdressing man who got to try some different kind of 'bears'."
He's been picking some slang from Rainbow Road, oops.
hehehehe
“What?” she asks. “What other kind of bears are there?”
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He waggles his eyebrows. Yeah, he wants to write the raunchy version of Goldilocks. To help his point, he grabs a cock chocolate and sucks on the tip before eating it.
"There's something about 'friend of Dorothy', too? The girl with the lion on the gold road? I want to watch that movie, see what the fuss is about."
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“So is Geralt a bear?” You know she had to ask, right?
Midge furrows her brow. “Oh, I’ve heard of that before. They’re talking about ‘The Wizard of Oz’, but I’m not really sure what the phrase means.”
Maybe Susie knows? Not that Midge would ever ask her.
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Jaskier grins during the whole explanation, really loving all the details and sense of community he's found here. It's a pretty damn good reason why he doesn't want to leave this world.
"Mayhaps we can watch it together and learn. Do you know how we can achieve that? I've been dying to watch more movies anyway, they're so amazing. And the musicals at the theatre! What an amazing concept they are."
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“It’s a classic movie, so sometimes they still play it in the theaters. It’s based on a novel, but the movie is better.” Thank you MGM for taking a book about the gold standard and making it into an entertaining movie. “I said we should go to a show sometime. You’d love it.”
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"Yes, please, let's do it one of these nights." He raises the wine bottle only to find it empty. He sighs. "I suppose this is a sign to pick up camp."
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Midge echoes his sigh. “I guess so.” It’s almost fully light out now. “This was fun. Thanks for bringing me up here.”
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I have a problem and I think I need your help. Well, technically Geralt’s, I guess.
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When Midge starts her next text with the word 'problem', he fears she'll bring the subject up. Reading the rest of the text sounds very ominous and for once, it makes him wish it'd been about the wedding after all.
Fuck, that can't be good. What happened? Are you alright?
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Give him a second while he yells at Geralt to get ready.
address now
we'll be there in five
evacuate immediately
don't you fucking dare to go
anyone got hurt?
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Do you think it’s really that serious? Nobody’s hurt. We don’t even know what it is yet. It seems more active at night anyway.
I’ll text Joel and let him know that you two are coming and then I’ll meet you there.
Do they really need to evacuate the factory?
[ Moishe’s going to be pissed. ]
how about a nest of Harrisi (huge poisonous spiders) hiding in the walls
You know he's worried when he's typing so informally.
we can't know if it's serious now but i don't want to risk anyone getting hurt without more information
so yes evacaute
something else you can tell me besides active at night?
sounds good - I know nothing about Witcher monsters
I’ll tell Joel to evacuate the factory. His father will be pissed about losing a day of production.
Joel said he hears scurrying in the walls at night. I’m sure he can give you more details.
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then text him as a heads up and stay where you are
That's all he says, because Yennefer is opening the portal now. Jaskier and Geralt are dropped in an alley so they don't get attention from the public, and have to walk a block to the factory.
When they find Miriam waiting by the door, they both curse.
"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Jaskier cries out while Geralt grabs Midge by the arm and growls- "Leave."
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There’s a group of workers standing outside looking confused over why they were told to evacuate the building. They look equally confused and alarmed when the huge man approaches Midge.
Jaskier is right. Geralt can be frightening. Midge is stunned into silence, which is broken by another voice.
“Hey! Get your hands off of her!”
A harried-looking man has just come out of the building and he’s glaring at Geralt. The witcher is twice Joel’s size, but he’d still fight him if he thought he was hurting Midge.
“What the hell is going on here?”
Midge holds up a placating hand. “Joel, I texted them about the creatures in the walls. They’re here to help.”
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"Send your workers home," Geralt tells Joel with another growl, then he makes his way inside as he unsheathes his silver sword.
Jaskier sighs as he rushes to get between the door and the crowd with his hands up. See, this is why he has to come along. Can't depend on Geralt's communication skills.
"Worry not, my good people! The mighty witcher has come to save the day! And you should listen to him - everyone-" He glances at Midge. "-must go home. We don't want anyone to get hurt, now do we? Even if the creature goes down quickly, there will probably be lots of monster guts left to clean. There won't be any work done today."
Perhaps tomorrow either, depending on what it is, but better not mention that now. Don't want to make the crowd even more nervous.
I love this already
I've been giggling since the texting started
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