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[doesntsing]

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[treblemaking]

I am not talking about commitment, darling. Even as just a friend - I am one of your grubby 'club friends'. Not company to be kept by a lady.

Do they even like Susie?

[doesntsing]

They tolerate Susie.

You mean a lot more to me than a ‘grubby club friend’. It will be fine, Jaskier. Nothing they say or do will change how I feel about you.

[treblemaking]

Of course they do.

Don't take me wrong, I don't believe you think like them or that they'll change your mimd about me. I just want you to have realistic expectations about how the evening may go. Possibly the wedding too.

Also it seems I'm going to have lunch with your cousin tomorrow. Tell me a Jewish restaurant I can take her to.

[doesntsing]

That’s fair enough.

A deli. [she sends an address.] Good luck with her.

Thank you again for helping at the factory today. I can’t wait to thank you in person.

[treblemaking]

Thanks. I'll need it.

Hey, I know I joked earlier, but the part about always helping people is true. And we got paid, so it's not like we did charity.

That said!

Mayhaps I do deserve that special thanks, considering I am still in the tub scrubbing the stench off. My beautiful skin is red and I don't have you to kiss it better. I demand compensation, missy.

[doesntsing]

I know, but you came right away, and you probably saved Joel a huge amount of money in the long run. One of those things could have killed someone.

I plan to use my mouth. I know how much you love my sassy mouth, Jaskier.

[treblemaking]

Indeed, and that's why we asked you to evacuate.

Your mouth is an absolute delight. So sassy, witty, and fierce. And so pretty when it's wrapped around my cock.

[doesntsing]

Your cock? Who said anything about your cock? I was planning to tell you some jokes with my sassy mouth.

[treblemaking]

Laughing pretty hard at that.

My mistake. Obviously, you have plenty of thoughts about your cousin's choice of future husband.

[doesntsing]

I have some. I’ve only met him once but he seems like a rich asshole. So he’s perfect for her.

[treblemaking]

There's a pause as he types, deletes, and re-types the same thing a few times. It still feels strange to discuss this with someone.

Oh wow, I thought I was having dinner with your parents, not lunch with mine.

[doesntsing]

You want me to come? I can deal with her in small doses.

[treblemaking]

I truly appreciate your offer, but I'd rather do this one-on-one. She'll put up her well-mannered family face in front of you, and I want to see how she treats the people she hires. I must protect the band.

I'll let you know how it goes.

The next day, in the middle of the afternoon, Jaskier already has an update.

Did you know your cousin has a secret kink for elves, or is that a dark family secret?

[doesntsing]

Dark family secret I suspect. Does she have a thing for pointy ears?

[treblemaking]

I didn't go that far with my questions, but gods, did she have a lot for me. She was very excited (if you know what I mean) about having an otherwordler and elves in her wedding. Called us 'exotic'. Her face was as red as an apple, and the way she kept squirming, I thought her skirt was getting wet. It was a little uncomfortable at times, but I'll take it over bigotry.

Anyway, she paid a deposit. So you're looking at the proud owner of a typewriter now.

[doesntsing]

I don’t think my aunt and uncle would be pleased to know that their daughter gets wet over elves, unless there happen to be Jewish elves.

Congratulations!

[treblemaking]

I'll double-check their dicks next time. But I need you to be on your best wit, my smart lady. Because she'll probably be boasting about getting an exotic band for her wedding - don't let her take the credit! You got the band for her!

Thanks. I've been looking at typing courses - they're only two months long. They also are full of women your age. Usually I'd find such a scenario very pleasant, but in the context of becoming a student again? Feels a bit weird.

[doesntsing]

Elves could convert. Probably won’t be circumcised.

Should I tell everyone at the wedding that I booked the hippest band?

They’re probably training to be secretaries. Not sure if there are any other class options.

[treblemaking]

I don't know what hippest is, but I trust you, so - yes! You saved your cousin's party! Make sure they know whom to thank! Don't let them take this from you!

Alas, there are not. What do you think? Would you feel weird if a middle-aged bloke joined your class?

[doesntsing]

I’m not sure if it’s that much of a victory, but if you insist.

Personally, probably not, but I’m not like most women. I think if they allow you to join then you should do it.

lmk if you wanted to do something else before the dinner and I'll edit

[treblemaking]

It'll be an even bigger victory at the wedding, I promise.

Well then. I'm signing up for classes. Wish me luck.

He has his first class at the end of the week, and his charms help him keep all the women comfortable - at least, his classmates are. The teacher may still be a bit wary. It feels fucking good to have a goal and direction again, and he tells Midge so during one of their many texts talks.

He throws himself into the guitar and reharsal with the band, too. Being so busy means that the weekend arrives before he can fully process it.

Fuck. This is really happening. Jaskier surprises himself by being terrified - usually he knows how to handle bitter, snobby old people. But he doesn't want to put Midge in a bad spot.

Geralt and Yennefer keep mocking him while he gets ready, and honestly, it helps. It provides an outlet for him to burn all these nervous feelings. While he refuses to stop being himself, he does compromise by toning it down a little. The blue suit keeps the yellow vest and pocket square, but there's no makeup or jewelry except for the elven ring.

With the lute hanging on his back in case he can do some charming with music, Jaskier shows up at Midge's place with his arms full: a bouquette of fresh roses and a bag with a fancy bottle of vine.

Yet what makes ringing the bell so hard is his own hesitation.

we can go with it! Let me try to get in a headspace for Abe and Rose lol

[doesntsing]

Midge has been nervous too, of course. She wants this to go well, wants her parents to like Jaskier. That may be asking too much. She’s already made it abundantly clear to her parents that she and Jaskier aren’t a couple, so hopefully there won’t be any embarrassing questions about Jaskier’s intentions with her or anything like that.

When Jaskier finally rings the bell, Midge is just taking the brisket out of the oven. She hurries to get the door so that she can have a moment with him before introducing him to her parents. Midge opens the door and grins at him.

“You look great.” She’s wearing a casual light blue dress. Leaning in, she gives him a hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Thanks for coming.”

prayers for your poor head lmao

[treblemaking]

Nervous as he may be, it's impossible not to smile at the mere sight of her. He melts in her hug and wishes he could just bury his face in her neck.

"So do you, darling." He kisses her cheek very quickly, always keeping an eye for anyone appearing in the hallway. "You can thank me properly another day." He winks. "I hope you don't mind that the flowers aren't for you today."

rip me

[doesntsing]

“I will.” She returns the wink. “I don’t mind. Mama will love them.” Midge takes a deep breath. “Ready?” she asks, giving him what is hopefully a reassuring smile.

Midge shows him into the living room, where her parents are sitting on the couch. “Jaskier, these are my parents, Abe and Rose Weissman. Mama, Papa, this is Jaskier of Oxenfurt. He’s an Otherworlder.” They knew that. Hopefully.

Abe stands up to shake Jaskier’s hand. “It’s nice to meet you finally. Miriam has told us almost nothing about you.”

[treblemaking]

Jaskier returns the smile and bites back the urge to answer 'no'.

As he follows Midge to the living room, Jaskier makes sure to fix his posture - less chaotic bisexual, more serious viscount. He offers a small bow when Midge introduces him, keeping an eye on their reactions. Midge truly takes after her mother, he notices.

"Well met, sir." He shakes Abe's hand firmly. "I'm sure any questions you may have shall be answered tonight - over a drink, mayhaps?" He hands him the bottle of wine - fancy bottle, rich in flavor.

Jaskier then approaches Rose with his most charming smile. "Madam." He kisses her hand before giving her the flowers. "I see now where Miriam has taken her wondrous sense of style from."

Which, to be fair, isn't a lie. Rose knows how to dress.