Apparently he didn’t want to do this right now, but then changed his mind. That’s good. She’s ready to talk now.
I’ll see you soon.
It’s a long ride out to Coney Island, which gives Midge some time to think. She finds Jaskier at the railing by the sea, the Wonder Wheel rising up in the distance behind him.
“Hey,” she says quietly, giving him a little smile. He’s dressed way down, for him. Midge is perfectly coordinated as always. If she got one thing from Rose, it’s that she will always look fabulous, even if she’s dying inside.
“You wanna sit?” Midge inclines her head towards a nearby bench that faces the ocean.
She looks as beautiful as she always does, and Jaskier can't help but to stare at her for a second while his heart cries out for her. He puts his hands in the pockets of his jacket, hoping that will stop them from doing something stupid.
"Hey." He returns the little smile. "I actually mentioned this place because I thought we could go for a walk on the beach? I find the coast soothing."
This is the most subdued that she’s ever seen him before. Midge is afraid that his somber mood means that he’s going to tell her he never wants to see her again after today. Maybe that’s what she deserves.
“In these shoes?” she teases. It’s not really a joke, nor a funny one, but she’s off kilter. Going to the aforementioned bench, Midge sits and removes her heels. Now barefoot, she and Jaskier pick their way down the boardwalk that leads over the dunes, then over the soft white sand to the packed wet sand by the shoreline.
Midge takes a deep breath and lets it out. “I’m sorry,” she tells him.
He chuckles, so it works well enough. His boots are good enough for the beach, but he takes them off anyway. He wants to feel the sand on his toes - it works. The beach is always a balm for his soul.
The apology is unexpected and it throws Jaskier for a second. Fuck, how can she always be so sweet? He takes a deep breath.
"Never apologize for loving," he replies as he asks his heart to calm down. "I'm sorry I made you cry." There's a pause before he bursts out, "You told Geralt I wanted you for sex."
She nods, because there’s no point in denying it. They need to be honest with each other right now.
“I was angry and feeling bitter,” she replies. “He pointed out all of the time we spent together not having sex, the things that we shared with each other. I know it wasn’t just sex, and I’m sorry that I said that.”
"Thank you," he responds, followed by a snort. "You know we've stepped into hell when we're getting relationship counceling from him of all people."
He hasn't forgotten that he had to put up with his and Yennefer's bullshit for years.
Silence follows them for a moment. Jaskier looks at the sea - not because he refuses to look at her (how could he?) but because he knows that if he does, he'll surrender to her sad eyes.
Also, he may be scared.
Just a little.
Okay, a lot.
"I missed you. Terribly," he finally says with a broken voice. "This week apart made me realize how much I need you in my life."
He takes another deep breath.
"I'm willing to try. A relationship, I mean. Exclusivity. But it wouldn't be what you know. It wouldn't be traditional. I am not a husband. So there's a lot to discuss. To reach... compromise."
Midge is completely floored by what she hears. Whatever she was expecting, it wasn’t this.
She’s dumbfounded for a moment, the sound of waves crashing and seagulls calling taking over. “You… really? You don’t have to marry me, Jaskier. I wasn’t expecting a proposal.”
Midge moves closer to him, standing in the surf as the cold water rushes over her feet. She lets out a little yelp, then a laugh at the temperature of it. “That’s cold! Sorry. Momentary distraction. Tell me what you want.”
There goes the p-word again. Jaskier sighs - this is precisely why they need to talk. Before he can say anything, though, Midge is yelping. And what else can he do but laugh?
It is a good distraction, at least. It gets rid of some of the tension.
Jaskier loathes the cold, but being a beach boy and having camped outside during chilly Autumns mean his tolerance has grown since he was a brat napping by the hearth. He offers his arm to Midge, because he can't take it anymore. "You are not being smooth, you know. You just had to ask." He's teasing to cover his need.
For the next few steps, he just enjoys having her close again.
Welp. Here goes nothing.
"You said the same thing in the club. Marriage, proposal. That's what worried me - you're missing the point. It's not about the ring and the paperwork. It's about the man's role. It's about being the provider and changing diapers." He kicks a shell in the sand. "Actually, that's a good place to start. I don't want kids. That one is not negotiable."
He isn't sure if this relationship will even make it that far, but better put it all out now.
Midge grips his arm gratefully. “I didn’t know if you wanted me to…” she says by way of explanation. She would have been heartbroken if she’d asked to take his arm and he had rebuffed her.
No kids is an easy agreement for her. “I have enough kids,” Midge agrees, “and they have a father.” Meaning that she doesn’t expect him to be one to them. “In time though, I’d hope that you would like to meet them. Maybe you can be an adult figure for them like you are for Ciri. Slowly. If you want to.” She’s not going to push him regarding her kids right now.
"Meeting them is fine. I'll help you throw birthday parties, hold your hand if one of them has a fever. Just... small doses." Ha pauses as he thinks about it. "I can't promise I'll be an adult figure, but-- it may happen. Being an uncle is something I can grow into."
Another pause. There's so much to say, and everything connects to everything, it's hard to just name them as if it was a shopping list. And to think he's supposed to have a way with words. He doesn't want to overwhelm her.
"I told you my career and my family are my priorities. That will continue to be true. It doesn't mean you don't mean the world to me." He still thinks this may not work. But he'd rather try and find out, that's how he's always lived. "I want it to be your priorities too. I want you on stage. I want you to watch your kids grow - I can have you on your free days. Let Joel be the babysitter of our sex." Just kidding. Maybe. "If you get a good gig, you better fucking cancel our date if necessary."
His next request is more surprising. Not that he intends to place emphasis on his career, but that he expects her to emphasize her own as well. It’s so much the opposite of what most people in her life would say.
As for his family, she hopes that one day he might consider her a part of his family too.
“Alright,” she replies, smiling when Jaskier calls Joel the babysitter of their sex. “You have a deal with that.”
Well, she's smiling at least. Jaskier is a little worried she may say yes to everything just to get through this faster. But okay, she was wordy about her kids. Maybe it was just this one thing that needed a mere 'alright'. Gotta give her a chance.
"I understand what Joel has put you through. But if there's one quality in me that you can trust, it's loyalty. You can ask Geralt if it'll make you feel better, gods know he fucked up many a time." A little huff. Fucking bastard, he swears. "That said, I am... naturally flirty. It doesn't mean anything; it's just for fun. It won't go all the way. But that is how I speak, how I charm people. It's not something I can change."
So she'll have to learn to put up with it, he's saying. This is probably the big one, the one that will decide how the rest of the conversation will go.
"And I'm perfectly fine with you doing the same, if it pleases you. I'm not a jealous person. You can keep eye-fucking Lenny if you want," the tone in that last one is teasing. "This is what I meant by not traditional, not a husband. If we go to a party, I don't expect you to stay seated and wait to dance with me. We will dance, because I love dancing with you and showing you off, because I'll be the lucky bastard with the prettiest girl in the room. I want you to mingle and dance and laugh with friends. Dance with Perdita. Dance with Molly, she thinks you're cute. Dance with both twins at the same time. Dance with Dick-- no, actually, don't dance with Dick, he's an awful dancer."
The more emotional the talk gets, the more he needs affection to support him through it. Before he can stop himself, he takes the hand on his arm to his face to kiss her hand.
"I'm not a husband, and I'm not looking for a wife. I like my freedom, and I want you to be free too. We shall be independent together, as ironic as it sounds."
Midge smiles as he goes on, though she rolls her eyes when Jaskier mentions eye-fucking Lenny. The smile turns to a grin when he kisses her hand.
“I don’t mind flirting or dancing. That’s who you are, and I wouldn’t want to change that.” Her smile fades a little bit. “The only thing I ask is that you don’t sleep with anyone else… and I know that’s a big ask, but with what happened with Joel…”
Jaskier cheating on her would be a huge blow, one that she probably wouldn’t be able to forgive him for.
“If you want to be with someone else, I would rather that you break up with me.”
Gosh, she truly is a dream. He hopes all these easy yes won't come back to kick them in the butt later.
Knowing that this one is a big deal and how his reputation makes him look, Jaskier stops walking and takes her hand to squeeze it as he looks at her lovely eyes.
"Miriam, I promise on my lute that I won't sleep with anybody else." A nod. "It's funny you say that, because that's another thing I had in mind--" He chuckles. "If this ever stops working for you, break up with me. Don't become the resentful woman stuck in a relationship. Again: I'm not looking for a wife. Just love." A wink. "And your amazing tits, I guess."
He doesn't know how long they'll last, but as long as they're together, he wants it to be good.
"There's something I wanted to mention--" He puts both his hands up, very defensive, which means now his boots are hanging between you. "I know it's a no already. This is not an ask. Just... a reminder. Some couples have a relationship, but agree to have some fun on the side. They call it 'to be open'. It's not for you, I know. But if you ever change your mind, because you're young and you'll see the world someday, if it's just a tiny curiosity... then please know you can come to me. With that, or anything else. If you want to explore something, there's a high chance I want to explore it too. I've seen things. I promise you, you'll never get weirder than myself."
Alright, time for another deep breath. The other big one.
"Which takes us to..." He rubs his forehead. "I'm still a queer man. You haven't fixed me." He sounds irritated by that idea. It's not her fault; it's not his intention to accuse her of anything. Just issues in the community that can get on his nerves. "If I'm not sleeping with men anymore, that means you'll have to take care of all my needs." He waggles his eyebrows. Making a joke about tits is a little thing, but he isn't about to get detailed about gay sex. "It doesn't have to be today, or next week. But it'll have to happen."
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
fuck
i thought
i said somewhere far and thought you'd need
The three dots appear and disappear for a few seconds.
Yes. Now. See you soon.
Jaskier is already there when Midge arrives, resting on a railing while watching the sea. The coast has always been a lullaby for his heart.
There's no bag or lute, no makeup or jewelry except for the elven ring. Just the gray vest and his long read coat. Simple. Just Jaskier.
no subject
Apparently he didn’t want to do this right now, but then changed his mind. That’s good. She’s ready to talk now.
I’ll see you soon.
It’s a long ride out to Coney Island, which gives Midge some time to think. She finds Jaskier at the railing by the sea, the Wonder Wheel rising up in the distance behind him.
“Hey,” she says quietly, giving him a little smile. He’s dressed way down, for him. Midge is perfectly coordinated as always. If she got one thing from Rose, it’s that she will always look fabulous, even if she’s dying inside.
“You wanna sit?” Midge inclines her head towards a nearby bench that faces the ocean.
no subject
"Hey." He returns the little smile. "I actually mentioned this place because I thought we could go for a walk on the beach? I find the coast soothing."
no subject
“In these shoes?” she teases. It’s not really a joke, nor a funny one, but she’s off kilter. Going to the aforementioned bench, Midge sits and removes her heels. Now barefoot, she and Jaskier pick their way down the boardwalk that leads over the dunes, then over the soft white sand to the packed wet sand by the shoreline.
Midge takes a deep breath and lets it out. “I’m sorry,” she tells him.
no subject
The apology is unexpected and it throws Jaskier for a second. Fuck, how can she always be so sweet? He takes a deep breath.
"Never apologize for loving," he replies as he asks his heart to calm down. "I'm sorry I made you cry." There's a pause before he bursts out, "You told Geralt I wanted you for sex."
Well. He did warn her he was a bitch.
no subject
“I was angry and feeling bitter,” she replies. “He pointed out all of the time we spent together not having sex, the things that we shared with each other. I know it wasn’t just sex, and I’m sorry that I said that.”
no subject
He hasn't forgotten that he had to put up with his and Yennefer's bullshit for years.
Silence follows them for a moment. Jaskier looks at the sea - not because he refuses to look at her (how could he?) but because he knows that if he does, he'll surrender to her sad eyes.
Also, he may be scared.
Just a little.
Okay, a lot.
"I missed you. Terribly," he finally says with a broken voice. "This week apart made me realize how much I need you in my life."
He takes another deep breath.
"I'm willing to try. A relationship, I mean. Exclusivity. But it wouldn't be what you know. It wouldn't be traditional. I am not a husband. So there's a lot to discuss. To reach... compromise."
no subject
She’s dumbfounded for a moment, the sound of waves crashing and seagulls calling taking over. “You… really? You don’t have to marry me, Jaskier. I wasn’t expecting a proposal.”
Midge moves closer to him, standing in the surf as the cold water rushes over her feet. She lets out a little yelp, then a laugh at the temperature of it. “That’s cold! Sorry. Momentary distraction. Tell me what you want.”
no subject
It is a good distraction, at least. It gets rid of some of the tension.
Jaskier loathes the cold, but being a beach boy and having camped outside during chilly Autumns mean his tolerance has grown since he was a brat napping by the hearth. He offers his arm to Midge, because he can't take it anymore. "You are not being smooth, you know. You just had to ask." He's teasing to cover his need.
For the next few steps, he just enjoys having her close again.
Welp. Here goes nothing.
"You said the same thing in the club. Marriage, proposal. That's what worried me - you're missing the point. It's not about the ring and the paperwork. It's about the man's role. It's about being the provider and changing diapers." He kicks a shell in the sand. "Actually, that's a good place to start. I don't want kids. That one is not negotiable."
He isn't sure if this relationship will even make it that far, but better put it all out now.
no subject
No kids is an easy agreement for her. “I have enough kids,” Midge agrees, “and they have a father.” Meaning that she doesn’t expect him to be one to them. “In time though, I’d hope that you would like to meet them. Maybe you can be an adult figure for them like you are for Ciri. Slowly. If you want to.” She’s not going to push him regarding her kids right now.
no subject
Another pause. There's so much to say, and everything connects to everything, it's hard to just name them as if it was a shopping list. And to think he's supposed to have a way with words. He doesn't want to overwhelm her.
"I told you my career and my family are my priorities. That will continue to be true. It doesn't mean you don't mean the world to me." He still thinks this may not work. But he'd rather try and find out, that's how he's always lived. "I want it to be your priorities too. I want you on stage. I want you to watch your kids grow - I can have you on your free days. Let Joel be the babysitter of our sex." Just kidding. Maybe. "If you get a good gig, you better fucking cancel our date if necessary."
no subject
His next request is more surprising. Not that he intends to place emphasis on his career, but that he expects her to emphasize her own as well. It’s so much the opposite of what most people in her life would say.
As for his family, she hopes that one day he might consider her a part of his family too.
“Alright,” she replies, smiling when Jaskier calls Joel the babysitter of their sex. “You have a deal with that.”
no subject
"I understand what Joel has put you through. But if there's one quality in me that you can trust, it's loyalty. You can ask Geralt if it'll make you feel better, gods know he fucked up many a time." A little huff. Fucking bastard, he swears. "That said, I am... naturally flirty. It doesn't mean anything; it's just for fun. It won't go all the way. But that is how I speak, how I charm people. It's not something I can change."
So she'll have to learn to put up with it, he's saying. This is probably the big one, the one that will decide how the rest of the conversation will go.
"And I'm perfectly fine with you doing the same, if it pleases you. I'm not a jealous person. You can keep eye-fucking Lenny if you want," the tone in that last one is teasing. "This is what I meant by not traditional, not a husband. If we go to a party, I don't expect you to stay seated and wait to dance with me. We will dance, because I love dancing with you and showing you off, because I'll be the lucky bastard with the prettiest girl in the room. I want you to mingle and dance and laugh with friends. Dance with Perdita. Dance with Molly, she thinks you're cute. Dance with both twins at the same time. Dance with Dick-- no, actually, don't dance with Dick, he's an awful dancer."
The more emotional the talk gets, the more he needs affection to support him through it. Before he can stop himself, he takes the hand on his arm to his face to kiss her hand.
"I'm not a husband, and I'm not looking for a wife. I like my freedom, and I want you to be free too. We shall be independent together, as ironic as it sounds."
no subject
“I don’t mind flirting or dancing. That’s who you are, and I wouldn’t want to change that.” Her smile fades a little bit. “The only thing I ask is that you don’t sleep with anyone else… and I know that’s a big ask, but with what happened with Joel…”
Jaskier cheating on her would be a huge blow, one that she probably wouldn’t be able to forgive him for.
“If you want to be with someone else, I would rather that you break up with me.”
no subject
Knowing that this one is a big deal and how his reputation makes him look, Jaskier stops walking and takes her hand to squeeze it as he looks at her lovely eyes.
"Miriam, I promise on my lute that I won't sleep with anybody else." A nod. "It's funny you say that, because that's another thing I had in mind--" He chuckles. "If this ever stops working for you, break up with me. Don't become the resentful woman stuck in a relationship. Again: I'm not looking for a wife. Just love." A wink. "And your amazing tits, I guess."
He doesn't know how long they'll last, but as long as they're together, he wants it to be good.
"There's something I wanted to mention--" He puts both his hands up, very defensive, which means now his boots are hanging between you. "I know it's a no already. This is not an ask. Just... a reminder. Some couples have a relationship, but agree to have some fun on the side. They call it 'to be open'. It's not for you, I know. But if you ever change your mind, because you're young and you'll see the world someday, if it's just a tiny curiosity... then please know you can come to me. With that, or anything else. If you want to explore something, there's a high chance I want to explore it too. I've seen things. I promise you, you'll never get weirder than myself."
Alright, time for another deep breath. The other big one.
"Which takes us to..." He rubs his forehead. "I'm still a queer man. You haven't fixed me." He sounds irritated by that idea. It's not her fault; it's not his intention to accuse her of anything. Just issues in the community that can get on his nerves. "If I'm not sleeping with men anymore, that means you'll have to take care of all my needs." He waggles his eyebrows. Making a joke about tits is a little thing, but he isn't about to get detailed about gay sex. "It doesn't have to be today, or next week. But it'll have to happen."