"No, I don't think it's the only reason why you're with me. But I do think it's given you a rose-colored opinion of me." He huffs. "I don't like your parents, Midge. Is that what you wanted me to tell you? There you go. Before I even met them, I was already annoyed by the mere idea of them because of how they fucking treat you."
He starts pacing as he runs his hands through his hair and drags them down his face, smearing the makeup. It matches his heartbroken face and the way his stomach keeps turning. Gosh, he better not throw up in the middle of this.
"You already are enough!" He exclaims as he opens his arms. "You're the one asking for more!"
This isn’t supposed to be about her parents, but she can’t help but ask anyway: “What do you mean how they treat me?” she asks. “They don’t treat me badly.”
Midge watches him looking distraught, and she can’t help but wonder why he seems to be fighting himself on this. Is it because he thinks he’s about to lose the sex?
“I’m asking you to only be with me.” Midge says, blinking away the tears that are forming in her eyes. “And the fact that you don’t want to can only mean that I’m not enough for you. Even if you’re falling in love with me too, it still isn’t enough for some reason.”
"They didn't even notice you disappeared overnight."
Jaskier wants to add more, but then he turns around and sees her crying. He deflates and hates himself, which isn't fair, because he warned her about this, over and over and over... and yet, here he is, being the bad guy. Just like everyone predicted. Joel will probably gloat, the bastard.
"I already told you the reason many a time. I warned you before either of us developed any feelings. Hell, I'll eat my sheet music if Geralt hasn't warned you too! How could it be you when I explained everything the day we fucking met?" He drags his hands down his face again. He wishes he could rip his heart out of his chest and put it in her hands just to prove his words - and mayhaps because it would hurt less. "It's not you - you're an amazing woman who deserves a man that will meet your every need. That will make you and your kids truly happy. I am not that man, Midge."
They don’t keep tabs on her 24/7. She’s a grown woman. But she’s not going to argue with him about her parents right now.
“Things change, Jaskier. I didn’t expect to fall in love with you, and I’m sure you didn’t expect it either.” Midge shakes her head, wiping tears from her cheeks. “You don’t want to be that man, and that’s fine. I shouldn’t have expected that you would change for me. That was my mistake.”
Turning back to the couch, Midge shoves the drawing into her notebook, then picks it up along with her purse.
“I guess this is goodbye, then,” she says between sobs, “because I can’t do this anymore if I have to keep lying to everyone about how I feel about you.”
"I TRIED to be that man in the past!" he snaps. He feels so fucking bad for making her cry, but he also feels bad for feeling bad - this isn't his fault. Why is he the bad guy here? "It does NOT work. I'm pretty fucking sure I shared that too." Another huff. "I thought you liked me for who I am. Yet all this time, you've been expecting me to change?" He shakes his head. "See, this is exactly what I'm talking about."
Tears appear in his eyes, too. Seeing her pick up her things makes it all more real - it's the final nail in the coffin. Jaskier swallows a sob.
"I'm guessing being literal friends wouldn't be enough either?" Because he would be fine with that. He can have sex somewhere else, her company is special. He hangs his head. "Goodbye, Miriam."
“I do like you for who you are. I love everything about you. Anyone can see that; I couldn’t hide it if I tried. I thought maybe I was special enough for you to try being in a relationship again.”
She feels like she misread everything from him, and that makes her feel like a fool. Her heart feels like it’s literally breaking in her chest.
“I-I don’t know,” she says, still crying. “I need some time. Goodbye, Jaskier.”
Midge brushes past him to exit the club. The only sounds in the room are her gentle sobs and the clicking of her heels on the floor.
Perdita watches as Midge leaves, then sticks her head in the door to yell at Jaskier. “Go after her, you idiot!”
Suddenly, he's forty again, and he's being abandoned on top of a mountain. Never before in his life had someone broken his heart like Geralt did that day, not even the Countess. Now it's happening again - a heart shattered in tiny pieces, his legs frozen and unable to go home because he doesn't know what home is anymore. The same song plays...
I’m weak, my love, and I am wanting
Jaskier collapses on the couch and cries his heart out. He doesn't even register Perdita's voice, not that he would've followed her command if he had. Moments later, a thick pale hand is petting his head. Perdita must've called him.
"Don't you dare fucking say it."
"Mmh."
He asks Geralt to drive him around the city for a few hours, even if it's late. He claims he needs the distraction and the fresh air, which isn't a completely bad idea, but mostly he wants an excuse to hold his best friend for a while.
The family works together to hide all the alcohol in the house. Bastards.
It's a good thing that he's been so busy lately, because he needs those things to keep him distracted. Ironically, one of those things is the rehearsal for the wedding. Jaskier doesn't cancel it - he needs such a gig, and he won't take this away from the band. Heartbreak makes the ballads sound better anyway.
A different man fucks him every night, because he knows that he'll need some time before he'll be able to pick up a woman without thinking about her. And being pounded into oblivion is part of the not thinking process - or it should be, anyway. It's not the same. There's no spark. He wants his lovely, witty spark back.
If orgasms won't silence his brain, then he'll get the alcohol (and the mushrooms) himself. That's how, on Tuesday evening, Geralt will be carrying an unconscious Jaskier on his back out of a bar. He's done this many times before and knows how to fit the bard perfectly between his shoulder blades.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
He starts pacing as he runs his hands through his hair and drags them down his face, smearing the makeup. It matches his heartbroken face and the way his stomach keeps turning. Gosh, he better not throw up in the middle of this.
"You already are enough!" He exclaims as he opens his arms. "You're the one asking for more!"
no subject
Midge watches him looking distraught, and she can’t help but wonder why he seems to be fighting himself on this. Is it because he thinks he’s about to lose the sex?
“I’m asking you to only be with me.” Midge says, blinking away the tears that are forming in her eyes. “And the fact that you don’t want to can only mean that I’m not enough for you. Even if you’re falling in love with me too, it still isn’t enough for some reason.”
no subject
Jaskier wants to add more, but then he turns around and sees her crying. He deflates and hates himself, which isn't fair, because he warned her about this, over and over and over... and yet, here he is, being the bad guy. Just like everyone predicted. Joel will probably gloat, the bastard.
"I already told you the reason many a time. I warned you before either of us developed any feelings. Hell, I'll eat my sheet music if Geralt hasn't warned you too! How could it be you when I explained everything the day we fucking met?" He drags his hands down his face again. He wishes he could rip his heart out of his chest and put it in her hands just to prove his words - and mayhaps because it would hurt less. "It's not you - you're an amazing woman who deserves a man that will meet your every need. That will make you and your kids truly happy. I am not that man, Midge."
no subject
“Things change, Jaskier. I didn’t expect to fall in love with you, and I’m sure you didn’t expect it either.” Midge shakes her head, wiping tears from her cheeks. “You don’t want to be that man, and that’s fine. I shouldn’t have expected that you would change for me. That was my mistake.”
Turning back to the couch, Midge shoves the drawing into her notebook, then picks it up along with her purse.
“I guess this is goodbye, then,” she says between sobs, “because I can’t do this anymore if I have to keep lying to everyone about how I feel about you.”
no subject
"I TRIED to be that man in the past!" he snaps. He feels so fucking bad for making her cry, but he also feels bad for feeling bad - this isn't his fault. Why is he the bad guy here? "It does NOT work. I'm pretty fucking sure I shared that too." Another huff. "I thought you liked me for who I am. Yet all this time, you've been expecting me to change?" He shakes his head. "See, this is exactly what I'm talking about."
Tears appear in his eyes, too. Seeing her pick up her things makes it all more real - it's the final nail in the coffin. Jaskier swallows a sob.
"I'm guessing being literal friends wouldn't be enough either?" Because he would be fine with that. He can have sex somewhere else, her company is special. He hangs his head. "Goodbye, Miriam."
no subject
She feels like she misread everything from him, and that makes her feel like a fool. Her heart feels like it’s literally breaking in her chest.
“I-I don’t know,” she says, still crying. “I need some time. Goodbye, Jaskier.”
Midge brushes past him to exit the club. The only sounds in the room are her gentle sobs and the clicking of her heels on the floor.
Perdita watches as Midge leaves, then sticks her head in the door to yell at Jaskier. “Go after her, you idiot!”
no subject
I’m weak, my love, and I am wanting
Jaskier collapses on the couch and cries his heart out. He doesn't even register Perdita's voice, not that he would've followed her command if he had. Moments later, a thick pale hand is petting his head. Perdita must've called him.
"Don't you dare fucking say it."
"Mmh."
He asks Geralt to drive him around the city for a few hours, even if it's late. He claims he needs the distraction and the fresh air, which isn't a completely bad idea, but mostly he wants an excuse to hold his best friend for a while.
The family works together to hide all the alcohol in the house. Bastards.
It's a good thing that he's been so busy lately, because he needs those things to keep him distracted. Ironically, one of those things is the rehearsal for the wedding. Jaskier doesn't cancel it - he needs such a gig, and he won't take this away from the band. Heartbreak makes the ballads sound better anyway.
A different man fucks him every night, because he knows that he'll need some time before he'll be able to pick up a woman without thinking about her. And being pounded into oblivion is part of the not thinking process - or it should be, anyway. It's not the same. There's no spark. He wants his lovely, witty spark back.
If orgasms won't silence his brain, then he'll get the alcohol (and the mushrooms) himself. That's how, on Tuesday evening, Geralt will be carrying an unconscious Jaskier on his back out of a bar. He's done this many times before and knows how to fit the bard perfectly between his shoulder blades.