With a smirk, Jaskier puts his hands on his hips and tilts his head, letting Joel have his once over. A glint in his blue eyes says he dares him to say something again.
It's kinda ironic, really, because usually Jaskier is the one complaining about macho men needing to have dick meassuring contests.
He's keeping his eyes on Joel's back, almost expecting something, so Midge's sudden touch makes him jump in surprise. His expression softens when he hears her talk, and he almost feels guilty. Almost.
"Of course we came," he replies as he takes Midge's hand to his lips for a quick kiss. That's still distant enough, right? "We'll always save people, even when letting them get eaten by the spiders would be the superior choice."
He is talking in general and not about anyone in particular. Nope, not here, no sir.
"I am glad you're okay too. But if this happens again, I want you to stay home."
She raises her pointer finger and fondly strokes his cheek, only to roll her eyes fondly when Jaskier says that some people should be eaten by spiders.
“He’s an idiot, but he’s still the father of my children,” Midge replies. She sighs again. “I didn’t want to leave you here alone with him. And… I thought I could help.”
He hums in delight when when she strokes his cheek. Gods, the urge to hug her is so strong and hard to keep contained.
"You did help when you forced him to evacuate," he clarifies, kissing her hand again because he's desperate for affection. "Hearing you get in charge was very distracting." He waggles his eyebrows. "Another reason for you to stay home. You wouldn't want me to get bitten while I stare at your cleavage, do you?"
A little teasing. Honestly, this is ironic too - Geralt thinks Jaskier is the last person on the planet to tell others they shouldn't get involved in hunts.
Jaskier, at least, has experience with hunts. And proper footwear.
Midge loves how he reacts to her touch. She would press her body to his if he didn’t smell like a sewer. “Oh was it?” She asks coyly. “You like when I take charge, don’t you?” She already knows that.
Joel returns and Midge lets go of Jaskier’s hand. She’s not going to add any fuel to this fire.
“How much do I owe you?” Joel asks.
Midge stares at Jaskier, hoping that he isn’t about to quote some exorbitant rate.
As a certified drama queen, Jaskier was hoping Joel would catch them red-handed. Alas.
It gives him another idea, though. One for a metaphorical slap in the face.
After a quick glance at Midge, Jaskier gives a rate similar to what the exterminators charged. "A little first time descount for friends," he says with a wink. But it's clear that he's being a passive aggressive little shit.
Once the check is safe in his hand (can't exactly pocket it in wet clothes), he offers a quick bow.
"A pleasure to make business with you." Not really, but oh well. He turns to Midge. "Talk to you later?" He steps out of the alley, only to suddenly freeze. "Oh, I almost forgot!"
He didn't. This is the idea - it's all calculated. How many steps he took out of the alley, how he keeps a perfectly innocent face as he comes back, how he ignores Joel as if he wasn't there at all.
"I owed you an answer. It's a yes - I shall be your plus one for the wedding." The grin could almost split his face in two. "Send me the details later, will you?"
After smoothly letting his hand brush Midge's, he finally leaves for real, waving over his shoulder without glancing at Joel even once. He enters the factory and disappears into a portal, so if anyone tries to follow him, he'll already be gone.
Midge’s face breaks into a grin when Jaskier says that he’ll come to the wedding with her. “Really?” she can’t help but squeak, like a preteen girl. She pulls herself together. “I mean. Yeah. I’ll text you later.”
Even through her happiness, it occurs to her that this was a performance for Joel’s benefit. It works. He’s flabbergasted that Jaskier is going with her to a family wedding.
Later that evening, Midge does indeed send Jaskier a text:
Did you mean it? You’ll come to Leah’s wedding with me?
Later when Jaskier is in the tub trying to get rid of the fucking smell, he does panic a little. He reacted on a whim, eager to stab Joel where it hurts.
But he also remembers Midge's amazing smile and the very cute squeak, and thinks it's worth it to make her so happy. She deserves to have an emotional shield at that fucking wedding if her whole family is going to act like Joel did today. He remembers his childood during events like that, and he wants to save her from the same fate.
The way it makes his heart beat is dangerous. And like the dumbass he is, he ignores it.
Jaskier is about to fall asleep in the tub when he gets Midge's text. He smiles.
Of course. I wouldn't joke about something like that.
I didn’t give him much of a chance to say anything, mostly because I didn’t want to fight with him. For whatever reason, he can’t believe we’re having sex, or that you’re going to Leah’s wedding.
Well, now it seems like he’s actually excited to go. Midge wishes he’d been that excited when it was just him going as her date.
That should be fine. I told her you’re the biggest thing in New York’s club scene right now.
I don't know what aspect of my persona he can't believe, therefore I don't know if being flattered or insulted. Alas.
It sounds like Joel is properly annoyed, at the very least, so Jaskier counts it as a win.
He laughs when he notices what she omitted in her reccomendation. Smart girl.
I love it when you're so witty. Thank you, darling. I owe you one. Would you send me your cousin's number? For business, I promise. I should introduce myself and discuss music preferences with her.
It finally hits him, then.
So your whole family knows about your plus one now?
Your… old-fashioned-ness. He just didn’t think I would… date, someone whose sensibilities seem to come from 400 years ago. Of course, he doesn’t know you.
[Leah’s number]
Yes, I’ve told my parents, since I figured Joel would if I didn’t. They want to meet you, of course.
I won’t make you, if you’d rather wait until the wedding.
Having to meet her parents should push him into panic. But now that he's agreed to go to the wedding and a be shield against her family, this is nothing. He's already too deep.
That pause between texts isn't very long.
Let's do it. Better do things the right way now so the wedding will go well. Dinner at your place?
He didn’t think I would like all of that courtly stuff. I told him he was wrong. I can appreciate a gentleman.
As I said, he doesn’t know you.
This complete turn around in Jaskier has Midge cautiously hopeful. It seems like he’s finally decided that her family doesn’t mean him any harm. That makes her happy. Happier than it probably should.
I also like the very ungentlemanly things you do to me in bed.
My father is a retired Columbia math professor. He’s very by the book and thinks that he’s always right, but he’s surprisingly forward-thinking. You could always bring up the piano.
Mama will be impressed with your manners, so have them on display. A little flattery will help too, but don’t overdo it.
There lies the problem. Joel is no gentleman. And he isn't ungentlemanly enough to bend you over and fuck you so hard that you forget we're coming on your dress.
I'm not sure I want to discuss music with a "by the book" man, but I'll keep it in mind. Flattering your mother will be much easier.
Well, I’m 27 and divorced, not 16 and never been kissed. I had my wedding and they have their grandkids. They shouldn’t be pushing you for any kind of commitment, in my opinion. It’s not even going to come up. I’ll lay out the ground rules before you even get there.
Don't take me wrong, I don't believe you think like them or that they'll change your mimd about me. I just want you to have realistic expectations about how the evening may go. Possibly the wedding too.
Also it seems I'm going to have lunch with your cousin tomorrow. Tell me a Jewish restaurant I can take her to.
Hey, I know I joked earlier, but the part about always helping people is true. And we got paid, so it's not like we did charity.
That said!
Mayhaps I do deserve that special thanks, considering I am still in the tub scrubbing the stench off. My beautiful skin is red and I don't have you to kiss it better. I demand compensation, missy.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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It's kinda ironic, really, because usually Jaskier is the one complaining about macho men needing to have dick meassuring contests.
He's keeping his eyes on Joel's back, almost expecting something, so Midge's sudden touch makes him jump in surprise. His expression softens when he hears her talk, and he almost feels guilty. Almost.
"Of course we came," he replies as he takes Midge's hand to his lips for a quick kiss. That's still distant enough, right? "We'll always save people, even when letting them get eaten by the spiders would be the superior choice."
He is talking in general and not about anyone in particular. Nope, not here, no sir.
"I am glad you're okay too. But if this happens again, I want you to stay home."
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“He’s an idiot, but he’s still the father of my children,” Midge replies. She sighs again. “I didn’t want to leave you here alone with him. And… I thought I could help.”
Turns out she was very wrong about that.
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"You did help when you forced him to evacuate," he clarifies, kissing her hand again because he's desperate for affection. "Hearing you get in charge was very distracting." He waggles his eyebrows. "Another reason for you to stay home. You wouldn't want me to get bitten while I stare at your cleavage, do you?"
A little teasing. Honestly, this is ironic too - Geralt thinks Jaskier is the last person on the planet to tell others they shouldn't get involved in hunts.
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Midge loves how he reacts to her touch. She would press her body to his if he didn’t smell like a sewer. “Oh was it?” She asks coyly. “You like when I take charge, don’t you?” She already knows that.
Joel returns and Midge lets go of Jaskier’s hand. She’s not going to add any fuel to this fire.
“How much do I owe you?” Joel asks.
Midge stares at Jaskier, hoping that he isn’t about to quote some exorbitant rate.
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It gives him another idea, though. One for a metaphorical slap in the face.
After a quick glance at Midge, Jaskier gives a rate similar to what the exterminators charged. "A little first time descount for friends," he says with a wink. But it's clear that he's being a passive aggressive little shit.
Once the check is safe in his hand (can't exactly pocket it in wet clothes), he offers a quick bow.
"A pleasure to make business with you." Not really, but oh well. He turns to Midge. "Talk to you later?" He steps out of the alley, only to suddenly freeze. "Oh, I almost forgot!"
He didn't. This is the idea - it's all calculated. How many steps he took out of the alley, how he keeps a perfectly innocent face as he comes back, how he ignores Joel as if he wasn't there at all.
"I owed you an answer. It's a yes - I shall be your plus one for the wedding." The grin could almost split his face in two. "Send me the details later, will you?"
After smoothly letting his hand brush Midge's, he finally leaves for real, waving over his shoulder without glancing at Joel even once. He enters the factory and disappears into a portal, so if anyone tries to follow him, he'll already be gone.
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Even through her happiness, it occurs to her that this was a performance for Joel’s benefit. It works. He’s flabbergasted that Jaskier is going with her to a family wedding.
Later that evening, Midge does indeed send Jaskier a text:
Did you mean it? You’ll come to Leah’s wedding with me?
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But he also remembers Midge's amazing smile and the very cute squeak, and thinks it's worth it to make her so happy. She deserves to have an emotional shield at that fucking wedding if her whole family is going to act like Joel did today. He remembers his childood during events like that, and he wants to save her from the same fate.
The way it makes his heart beat is dangerous. And like the dumbass he is, he ignores it.
Jaskier is about to fall asleep in the tub when he gets Midge's text. He smiles.
Of course. I wouldn't joke about something like that.
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Though she might be heartbroken.
But it’s going to be a good weekend. I’ll make sure of it.
Also… I have a job for you. Better than the last job for you.
It seems that Leah had lost her wedding singer and is looking for another one at the last minute.
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He was NOT a good boy in any other aspect, but details.
The job offer takes him by surprise. He gets so excited as he celebrates that water splashes all over the bathroom floor.
Are you serious? Count me the fuck in! Midge, I have no words to thank you. Fuck, I need to go shopping.
Ah - for a party that big, I shall take backup musicians. Will that work? Will they pay us all? Elves won't be an issue, will they?
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I didn’t give him much of a chance to say anything, mostly because I didn’t want to fight with him. For whatever reason, he can’t believe we’re having sex, or that you’re going to Leah’s wedding.
Well, now it seems like he’s actually excited to go. Midge wishes he’d been that excited when it was just him going as her date.
That should be fine. I told her you’re the biggest thing in New York’s club scene right now.
She didn’t say which club.
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I don't know what aspect of my persona he can't believe, therefore I don't know if being flattered or insulted. Alas.
It sounds like Joel is properly annoyed, at the very least, so Jaskier counts it as a win.
He laughs when he notices what she omitted in her reccomendation. Smart girl.
I love it when you're so witty. Thank you, darling. I owe you one. Would you send me your cousin's number? For business, I promise. I should introduce myself and discuss music preferences with her.
It finally hits him, then.
So your whole family knows about your plus one now?
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[Leah’s number]
Yes, I’ve told my parents, since I figured Joel would if I didn’t. They want to meet you, of course.
I won’t make you, if you’d rather wait until the wedding.
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Having to meet her parents should push him into panic. But now that he's agreed to go to the wedding and a be shield against her family, this is nothing. He's already too deep.
That pause between texts isn't very long.
Let's do it. Better do things the right way now so the wedding will go well. Dinner at your place?
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As I said, he doesn’t know you.
This complete turn around in Jaskier has Midge cautiously hopeful. It seems like he’s finally decided that her family doesn’t mean him any harm. That makes her happy. Happier than it probably should.
Sure. Maybe this Sunday?
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He stares at his device for a second and he sighs. This is really happening. How did they even get here? And why wouldn't he change a thing?
Works for me.
Tell me about them. I must be ready to charm their pants off.
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I also like the very ungentlemanly things you do to me in bed.
My father is a retired Columbia math professor. He’s very by the book and thinks that he’s always right, but he’s surprisingly forward-thinking. You could always bring up the piano.
Mama will be impressed with your manners, so have them on display. A little flattery will help too, but don’t overdo it.
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I'm not sure I want to discuss music with a "by the book" man, but I'll keep it in mind. Flattering your mother will be much easier.
They're going to hate me anyway.
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I hope that’s a promise, Jaskier.
Don’t go in defeatist. They’re not going to hate you. We’re not dating. And they wouldn’t be rude to one of my friends anyway.
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Jaskier gets the feeling they WOULD be rude to her friends, but better not attack her parents again. Midge is lucky he hasn't met Imogen.
I'm not defeatist, I am talking from experience. Fancy, strict parents don't like wandering musicians that don't like making plans for the future.
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Well, I’m 27 and divorced, not 16 and never been kissed. I had my wedding and they have their grandkids. They shouldn’t be pushing you for any kind of commitment, in my opinion. It’s not even going to come up. I’ll lay out the ground rules before you even get there.
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Do they even like Susie?
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You mean a lot more to me than a ‘grubby club friend’. It will be fine, Jaskier. Nothing they say or do will change how I feel about you.
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Don't take me wrong, I don't believe you think like them or that they'll change your mimd about me. I just want you to have realistic expectations about how the evening may go. Possibly the wedding too.
Also it seems I'm going to have lunch with your cousin tomorrow. Tell me a Jewish restaurant I can take her to.
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A deli. [she sends an address.] Good luck with her.
Thank you again for helping at the factory today. I can’t wait to thank you in person.
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Hey, I know I joked earlier, but the part about always helping people is true. And we got paid, so it's not like we did charity.
That said!
Mayhaps I do deserve that special thanks, considering I am still in the tub scrubbing the stench off. My beautiful skin is red and I don't have you to kiss it better. I demand compensation, missy.
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