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[doesntsing]

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[treblemaking]

Aww, aren't you sweet? Worry not, I'm fine. Well, as fine as someone with mud and swamp water on his hair can be. Want to bet on how many shampoo bottles I'll go through this week? That toothy bastard hasn't shown up yet, so we have to go back to the swamps tomorrow. We're at the motel now. I'm pretty sure I've slept on stables more comfortable than this bed.

Especially, huh? Are you saying I'm better than chocolate?

[doesntsing]

I’m going to ask this question and hopefully you won’t get offended.

Do you actually help with the monster hunting or are you just there to observe and write ballads?

I wasn’t saying that. But it’s a nice photo.

[treblemaking]

I do help! Just because it's not actual fighting, it doesn't mean I'm a mere observer - although that IS my main job.

I talk to the locals to gather information. I argue with the client to get well-paid, and with motel and diner owners to get good prices. I gather ingredients for Geralt's potions. I stitch him up when he's done, massage him if he's sore, take care of the tangles in his hair. Back home, I would brush Roach's mane, too. And sometimes I play bait.

[doesntsing]

Okay, fair enough. I figured Geralt wouldn’t have you tagging along if you weren’t at least useful.

Is Roach a horse?

[treblemaking]

To be fair, they're all things I learned through the years. I definitely started as a mere observer. He taught me to start a fire and clean a fish. Setting up camp used to be part of my duties, too.

Oh, yes! You must be the first person in the history of humanity who got that from context and didn't jump on the bug. Geralt calls all his horses Roach, after the fish. He clearly misses her - so do I, honestly. I know he's been looking at horses here, but we can't exactly have one in the garden.

[doesntsing]

Oh, you actually have useful survival skills. I’m impressed.

Well, roaches don’t tend to have manes, so I assumed. He might be able to stable a horse out of town.

Or just steal one of the police horses.

Don’t do that.

[treblemaking]

I'm unsure whether to say thank you or be offended. It's a very important distinction to make that shall decide if I ever make stew for you.

Police horses?! Why do those motherfuckers have horses in this world? Must the poor creatures walk the street among the very dangerous cars?

You can't drop such a revelation and then ask me not to do anything about it! Geralt will probably want to rescue them. He's already quite annoyed by the whole helmet nonsense.

[doesntsing]

As I said, I’m impressed. What kind of stew do you make?

Not all of them ride horses. There’s a small brigade that do. ‘Rescuing’ the horses will probably result in jail time.

[treblemaking]

Ah, it's just... stew? Chopped vegetables and the meat of whatever animal Geralt could kill. Some spices, if I have them at hand. I wouldn't call myself a cook; I've learned a few rustic things to get by on the road. Stew, roasted meat, mashed potatoes, you get the idea.

Those poor things... as if I needed another reason to hate those cockheads. By the by, do you know how to ride? I haven't done it in a while.

[doesntsing]

I’ll make my brisket for you if you make your stew for me.

I know how to ride a horse but I’m not great at it. Mama grew up riding horses in Oklahoma, so she wanted us to at least learn how to ride.

[treblemaking]

Huh. I was trying to joke, I didn't expect... Are you sure? Like I said, it's very rustic and basic. It won't be an amazing meal.

We've been looking for a place to ride, so if you want to come sometime, let me know.

[doesntsing]

I can always just make my brisket for you without reciprocating.

Okay. As I said, I’m not great at it. I don’t get many chances to practice.

[treblemaking]

I'll cook for you if that's your wish. I just wanted to make sure you knew what you were getting into. And I'd love to try your ingredients either way. We can take some food to the apartment next time, cook together.

You don't need to be great just to have fun. Aren't you curious to see how many 'riding' jokes you can make in one afternoon?

[doesntsing]

I’m willing to try your cooking, Jaskier.

With you there? Probably a ton. How quickly will Geralt get annoyed?

[treblemaking]

Then we have a deal, my witty lady. What is the animal of your choice? (Anything but squirrels, please, they're so chewy.)

Being around horses will keep him distracted. And if Ciri comes too, his attention will be on her. Speaking of my family, did you text Yennefer?

[doesntsing]

Uh. Beef. Or chicken.

I try to keep Kosher, which is a Jewish way of eating and has certain rules. I’m not always perfect at it, because some forbidden foods are delicious, such as bacon.

Squirrels are not Kosher.

Not yet! I’ll do it tomorrow if you think she’s ready for it.

[treblemaking]

The answer takes a few minutes to arrive because, first, Jaskier has to rant to Geralt about religions controlling what you eat. Geez, what else comes next?

Brisket is cow, correct? Then I shall get chicken. Is there anything else I should know about these 'rules'? I don't want to be afraid of getting you chocolates again.

Please do. She needs friends, especially lady friends. The mall will be fine if you need a place to meet, she'll like the makeup counter and the fancy dresses. But if you have lunch or tea, choose somewhere nicer, not a diner. (And let me know how it goes, or I'll die of gossip deficiency.)

[doesntsing]

Jaskier, it’s fine. She’s choosing to do this, and she’s practical enough that if her options were to eat bacon or starve, she’d eat the bacon.

I’m not supposed to eat meat and dairy together, so a cheeseburger, for example (also delicious), or drinking milk while eating meat. Chocolates are fine.

I have a few ideas. I’ll text her tomorrow.

[treblemaking]

Oh. That's simple enough.

Geralt has finally freed the shower, so I need to get rid of the miniature swamp on my head before the smell gets stuck in my clothes. Straight to bed after that, since we're waking up at sunrise.

Talk to you later, darling. And good luck with the witch.

The next day, however, Jaskier doesn't answer any of her texts. Same on Wednesday. If Midge worries too much and asks Yennefer, she'll tell her it's normal. Magic may interfere with the signals, or Geralt may've demanded that all devices be off. Noises may attract dangerous things.

It isn't until Thursday evening that Yennefer writes to Midge with some news: the mighty heroes are back... and Jaskier is sick. It's not serious, just a cold - well, not a normal cold, exactly. Because he was stung by the monster, and while that usually can be easily healed by an antidote, this time the poison has mixed with this world's cold virus, mutating it into something new. Some Yennefer has to do some research to create a new potion. Jaskier isn't in any danger, but he is a bit delirious. If it wasn't for his sick face, she'd almost find it funny.

[doesntsing]

I’ll try not to think about your body all wet. Have a good day tomorrow.

Midge does worry a bit when she doesn’t hear from him for a few days, but Yennefer reassures her that it’s normal. They make plans to get together next week.

She’s alarmed when she hears that Jaskier is sick. Midge doesn’t want to impose too much. She asks Yennefer if she minds if Midge comes to see him, and the witch agrees.

After cooking up a batch of matzo ball soup, she puts it in a casserole dish and carries it in a taxi over to where Jaskier and his family live.

[treblemaking]

It's hardly imposing when this is exactly what the family needs - Yennefer and Geralt just happen to suck at asking for help. So when Midge offers to come by, she's doing them a big favor. Yennfer asks her to come in the morning, that way she can watch over Jaskier after Geralt and Ciri are gone and Yen can concentrate on developing the potion.

When Midge makes it to the address Yennefer gives her, she'll find a typical Manhattan house. Realistically, newbies like them shouldn't have been able to acquire such a house so quickly. But the place was haunted and barely standing when they arrived; the owner was desperate to get rid of it. So they got it for cheap by throwing an exorcism for free.

It went from 'barely standing' to 'gorgeous' thanks to Yennefer's magic, and the previous owner hates them for it. Inside, Midge will find a very nicely decorated house that shouldn't surprise anyone who has seen how Jaskier and Yennefer dress. They keep the 'average' looking exterior not to get more attention.

Yennefer gives Midge the quick rundown: kitchen on the first floor, a bathroom on each floor, bedrooms upstairs - Jaskier's the third one on the left. The room at the back of the first floor is the magic/potion room, so Midge should stay away from it unless she needs something, and then she should just knock and quickly step back for her own safety. The herbs and the flowers in the garden should be watched at a safe distance, too, unless she has a guide.

When Midge knocks on Jaskier's room, she'll hear a grunted 'yeah' as an answer. Inside, she'll find a mound of blankets on the bed, hiding an annoyed bard.

[doesntsing]

The inside of the house is impressive and Midge tells Yennefer so. Perhaps it’s sexist to presume that she’s responsible for the interior design. Jaskier might have had a hand in it as well.

Before she goes upstairs, Midge asks for a pot so that she can reheat the soup on the stove. It can simmer for a bit before she takes some to Jaskier. That done, Midge is lead to the sick bard’s room. She smiles at his response. Apparently he didn’t know she was coming over.

Midge opens the door a crack. “It’s Midge. May I come in?”

[treblemaking]

"Midge?" It takes his feverish head a second to process the information. He moves the blankets just enough to take a peek, revealing his hair to be a mess. She's a sight for sore eyes, yet he can't find the right words to express how happy he is to see her. Ugh, he hates being sick.

"I want to see you," he manages to say. The words are a bit slurred. "But don't want you to see this. Too nasty." He frowns. "Dunno how to do both." Definitely a bit delirious over the fever, just like Yen said.

[doesntsing]

She’s never seen his hair look this disheveled. He must be really sick.

“You could cut a hole in the sheet,” Midge offers, trying not to laugh. She steps into the room but doesn’t move any closer to the bed yet. “I promise I won’t judge you on how you look.”

[treblemaking]

"Everyone judges me on how I look," he instantly replies, definitely not calculating his words very much today. If he was rational, he'd tell her he could pass the cold to her and therefore to her kids. But he isn't. He desperately wants her to hold him. "Come onnnnnn, sit down."

A hand peeks out to point at the reading chair that Geralt left next to the bed last night.