He raises an eyebrow. "As lovely as it sounds, you think you can wake up before me?" It's clearly a tease.
Jaskier laughs, which is more proof of how good she is at distracting him with humor, too. "Mmmh, they do. And your mouth too. Because of the jokes, obviously." He winks. "You also seem to like my tits." Her hands are always on his chest - not complaining, though.
“Oh, I’m sure I can surprise you.” A sly smile forms on her face.
“Of course. Just the jokes. Not what else I can do with my mouth.” So cheeky. Midge kisses him again. “Your tits are wonderful. I think you know you have a nice chest, Jaskier.”
For whatever reason, the chest hair really does it for her too.
She's so cute when she's being sly and cheeky. Jaskier keeps up the kiss for longer, as if he could taste her wittiness. "Do I? I had no idea." More teasing, lots of exaggeration. "You'll have to remind me more often. Rub it a lot so I don't forget." He winks and kisses her cheek. "Teasing aside, I do like it when you pet me. It's very relaxing."
“I’ve noticed. You like it when I stroke your hair, whether it’s hair here…” She pats his chest. “Or here.” Her hand moves up to his head to stroke her fingers through his locks. “I’ve never been with a man whose hair is this long.”
It’s not the current style, but it works for him with his bard persona.
He hums in delight when she starts stroking his hair, proving every word she just said. The mention of the length makes him chuckle. "It's relatively new, actually. I only started to grow it a few years ago. I needed a makeover."
During bad breakups and mid-life crises, obviously the answer is a haircut. Or the opposite, in this case. But the point stands.
"But most of my life I wore it short. Head hair, I mean. The rest of my body has always been fucking hairy." He grins. "And you like it."
“I do like it,” she confirms. “It’s very masculine.” Hopefully he won’t take that wrongly. While Jaskier definitely has some feminine traits, Midge thinks he has masculine ones too, and not just the chest hair.
She gives him a gentle kiss. “I like all of you. A lot.”
Jaskier isn't offended, but he is surprised. His eyebrows go up. "That's a new one. Thank you."
Part of his brain does wonder if he should examine her statement further, but thankfully, she adds more. Jaskier is happy to return the kiss with a smile. "I like you, too, darling. It almost makes me feel grateful for that arrest."
“Of course.” Midge will happily expand on which traits of his she thinks are masculine. Jaskier has a courtly air about him. She knows enough to know that masculinity was a bit different back then. That being said, she’s also aware that Jaskier sleeps with men, and many men who sleep with other men tend to have feminine qualities. Midge thinks he happens to have a nice mix of both.
“Me too,” she replies. “I never thought I’d be grateful for going to jail, but meeting you was… a wonderful thing in my life.”
Her words are incredibly flattering, and they make Jaskier's heart beat a little faster. They also make him a bit nervous, because it's one of the signs he's been noticing and should be careful about.
Worried about his mouth saying too much, he takes the wine and drinks straight from the bottle, playing it off as just being thirsty. He even passes the bottle to Midge, glasses forgotten.
"I'm glad I could be something good in your life," he ends up saying, because his heart is a big traitor who refuses to let go of her. Jaskier can hear Geralt's grunt of disapproval in the distance. "Because it sounded like you needed it, considering your family. No offense." Actually, he means the offense, but gotta keep up the manners.
She takes a swig of the offered wine. Her smile fades slightly at his comment about her family.
“I love my family, even if they irritate me,” she replies. “I’m sure your family does things that annoy you too, but you still love them.”
Her parents mean well. Midge doesn’t think that they don’t love her or don’t want the best for her. Her idea of what’s best sometimes differs from theirs.
"Why, just because Yennefer held a knife against my neck and grabbed me by the balls?" He keeps his tone light, trying to redirect the conversation since it seems he's hit a nerve. "I think I've insulted her enough for that. Although I do miss coming up with new insults a little bit."
The smile returns, looking more like a smirk this time. “How dare she. Those are my balls to grab.” Hopefully he won’t take that as her sounding possessive of him. It’s just a joke.
“You can still come up with creative insults for her. I have a feeling that she can handle it - and will probably come up with a few of her own.”
Jaskier does chuckle at that, but he still glances at her and takes the bottle back for another swing while wondering how much was truly just a joke.
"Oh, we still insult each other all the time. I'm a slut, she's a demon, we're both bitches." He shrugs. "But they don't escalate anymore, you know? We used to be more cruel. And don't take me wrong, getting along is far better. I just miss wordplay with bite." He hums, almost lost in thought. "Maybe I should get one of those letter machine thingies, get on writing."
Midge has been intimately close with Jaskier for long enough to know when he’s uncomfortable, even as he tries to hide it. He’s probably still worrying about the wedding, and her words aren’t making it any better. She resolves to watch her mouth.
There’s a pang of sadness in her. Midge doesn’t like having to hide how she feels, but she also doesn’t want this thing between them to end. It might be difficult to just remain friends and she would miss him too much.
“A typewriter? Planning on sending an insulting letter to someone?” she asks. “I’m not an insult comic, but I could always give it a shot.”
He laughs while reaching for the chocolate box to put it on her lap so they can keep munching while they chat. Like she said: breakfast of champions.
"Insulting letters sound fun, actually; but not what I meant. I was talking about putting my poetry together in a book, maybe writing a novel. I had many books under my name back in my world." He tilts his head at her. "Give it a shot? You mean to banter with me? I don't know if I can insult you."
She picks up a chocolate boob and puts it in her mouth.
“Oh, I thought you wanted to be insulted,” she says with a laugh. “A poetry book sounds great though. You wrote novels back home? I guess none of them exist here. Have you considered rewriting them?”
They’ll be slightly different of course, but if they were popular where he came from, they might be popular here too.
"What I want is to come up with biting insults, and stories may be the outlet for that, be in poetry or prose." A mischievous glint appears in his eyes. "Like a narrator writing some truly scathing words for his lover's ex-husband." Just kidding. Maybe. "Having someone insulting me would be good practice, I do appreciate the offer. I'm just not sure I can be mean to you."
He takes a chocolate right before she asks her question, so he makes a so-so gesture with his hand to answer while he swallows.
"The serious books under my name were my poetry and my lyrics. Some essays. Then there was the anonymous stuff." His tone is ominous, his eyebrows waggle. "I mentioned that I hand-copied some books to make some coin during my teen years, right? Those were the forbidden things, the ones that no printer would take. Eventually, I wrote some of my own 'anonymous' stuff. Political statements, mostly, but there were a few romance novels. And they were raunchy." He grins and winks. "Men loving men, women loving women. And witchers saving innocent ladies - it was part of fixing witchers' reputation, since usually they were depicted as the villains in stories. I would read passages to Geralt while we camped just to annoy him."
He hums, considering her idea. "Mayhaps I should rewrite them. Gotta get the machine first. Learn how to use it."
Midge gives him a look and rolls her eyes playfully. If he wants to skewer her ex-husband in fiction, well, probably nobody will know that it’s supposed to be him.
“Why am I not surprised that you wrote dirty books?” Midge replies. “You might want to keep your pen name here as well.” Gay romances are still far too outrageous for the mainstream. “Oh, I’d like to be saved by a witcher. I know just how I’d thank him too.”
Wink. Geralt’s an attractive man, but Midge has no real interest in him. Maybe if Jaskier hears her talk about another man, it will ease his mind about whatever feelings he thinks she has for him.
The pen name thing leaves him thinking for a second. The tongue peeking out of his mouth shows it's a good kind of thinking, though - he isn't uncomfortable, the opposite in fact. He's finally got a plan, maybe he can find his footing after all. Jaskier is feeling more content, more secure. As for a pen name - not to start. Maybe later, to publish the dirty stuff once he has a sense of the industry. But first, he can do like home, sticking to the poetry and the lyrics.
He snaps out of it when she makes her witcher joke, and he laughs pretty hard.
"Who knows, maybe those fucking portals will drop another witcher soon and you may get your wish." It does ease his mind a little. "If you think my cock is nice, you should see Geralt's. As thick as the rest of him." He shakes his head, almost in disbelief. "I bet his brothers are the same."
She’s used to Jaskier’s suggestive comments by now, but Midge still flushes slightly when he mentions the size of Geralt’s cock. She presumes he’s seen it when they’ve been out in the field camping together, but Midge once again wonders if the two of them ever had anything.
“I think your cock fits very nicely inside me,” Midge tells him. “Any bigger and it might be painful.”
So much for making him think that she wants other men. She’s terrible at this.
"You're picturing it, aren't you?" he asks while snickering. He kisses both her cheeks. "You're so cute when you blush."
Her concerns are valid, though, so Jaskier doesn't think anything of it. In fact, he grins around the bottle neck as he takes another sip.
"Too big may hurt a little, yes," he admits, clearly talking from experience. "But there's nicely big. With enough lubrication, it feels wonderfully full."
“How can I not be?” Midge asks with a laugh. Inadvertently, she picks up one of the penis chocolates and blushes harder before putting it in her mouth.
“Yeah, I’m sure, but you fill me exactly right. It’s like Goldilocks.”
Jaskier laughs at her choice of chocolate and decides to do the same to carry on the joke. He really likes it when she blushes.
Goldilocks isn't something he recognizes, no - but he draws the wrong conclusion from her comparison. Jaskier raises his eyebrows. "You call me out for writing raunchy stuff, but what have you been reading? Please do tell me more about this Goldilocks lad and their size preferences."
Midge snorts a laugh. “Goldilocks is a girl, first of all. It’s a story about a girl who sneaks into the house of three bears and uses their things. Some of them are too big or too small, too hot or too cold, but some of them are juuuuust right.” She looks up at him. “That’s your cock. A Goldilocks cock. Juuuust right.”
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“I understand,” Midge replies. This world is so different from the one that he came from. She would feel equally lost in his world.
“I’ll bet my tits do a lot to cheer you up.”
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Jaskier laughs, which is more proof of how good she is at distracting him with humor, too. "Mmmh, they do. And your mouth too. Because of the jokes, obviously." He winks. "You also seem to like my tits." Her hands are always on his chest - not complaining, though.
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“Of course. Just the jokes. Not what else I can do with my mouth.” So cheeky. Midge kisses him again. “Your tits are wonderful. I think you know you have a nice chest, Jaskier.”
For whatever reason, the chest hair really does it for her too.
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She's so cute when she's being sly and cheeky. Jaskier keeps up the kiss for longer, as if he could taste her wittiness. "Do I? I had no idea." More teasing, lots of exaggeration. "You'll have to remind me more often. Rub it a lot so I don't forget." He winks and kisses her cheek. "Teasing aside, I do like it when you pet me. It's very relaxing."
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It’s not the current style, but it works for him with his bard persona.
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During bad breakups and mid-life crises, obviously the answer is a haircut. Or the opposite, in this case. But the point stands.
"But most of my life I wore it short. Head hair, I mean. The rest of my body has always been fucking hairy." He grins. "And you like it."
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She gives him a gentle kiss. “I like all of you. A lot.”
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Part of his brain does wonder if he should examine her statement further, but thankfully, she adds more. Jaskier is happy to return the kiss with a smile. "I like you, too, darling. It almost makes me feel grateful for that arrest."
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“Me too,” she replies. “I never thought I’d be grateful for going to jail, but meeting you was… a wonderful thing in my life.”
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Worried about his mouth saying too much, he takes the wine and drinks straight from the bottle, playing it off as just being thirsty. He even passes the bottle to Midge, glasses forgotten.
"I'm glad I could be something good in your life," he ends up saying, because his heart is a big traitor who refuses to let go of her. Jaskier can hear Geralt's grunt of disapproval in the distance. "Because it sounded like you needed it, considering your family. No offense." Actually, he means the offense, but gotta keep up the manners.
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“I love my family, even if they irritate me,” she replies. “I’m sure your family does things that annoy you too, but you still love them.”
Her parents mean well. Midge doesn’t think that they don’t love her or don’t want the best for her. Her idea of what’s best sometimes differs from theirs.
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“You can still come up with creative insults for her. I have a feeling that she can handle it - and will probably come up with a few of her own.”
Yennefer is no shrinking violet.
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"Oh, we still insult each other all the time. I'm a slut, she's a demon, we're both bitches." He shrugs. "But they don't escalate anymore, you know? We used to be more cruel. And don't take me wrong, getting along is far better. I just miss wordplay with bite." He hums, almost lost in thought. "Maybe I should get one of those letter machine thingies, get on writing."
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There’s a pang of sadness in her. Midge doesn’t like having to hide how she feels, but she also doesn’t want this thing between them to end. It might be difficult to just remain friends and she would miss him too much.
“A typewriter? Planning on sending an insulting letter to someone?” she asks. “I’m not an insult comic, but I could always give it a shot.”
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"Insulting letters sound fun, actually; but not what I meant. I was talking about putting my poetry together in a book, maybe writing a novel. I had many books under my name back in my world." He tilts his head at her. "Give it a shot? You mean to banter with me? I don't know if I can insult you."
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“Oh, I thought you wanted to be insulted,” she says with a laugh. “A poetry book sounds great though. You wrote novels back home? I guess none of them exist here. Have you considered rewriting them?”
They’ll be slightly different of course, but if they were popular where he came from, they might be popular here too.
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He takes a chocolate right before she asks her question, so he makes a so-so gesture with his hand to answer while he swallows.
"The serious books under my name were my poetry and my lyrics. Some essays. Then there was the anonymous stuff." His tone is ominous, his eyebrows waggle. "I mentioned that I hand-copied some books to make some coin during my teen years, right? Those were the forbidden things, the ones that no printer would take. Eventually, I wrote some of my own 'anonymous' stuff. Political statements, mostly, but there were a few romance novels. And they were raunchy." He grins and winks. "Men loving men, women loving women. And witchers saving innocent ladies - it was part of fixing witchers' reputation, since usually they were depicted as the villains in stories. I would read passages to Geralt while we camped just to annoy him."
He hums, considering her idea. "Mayhaps I should rewrite them. Gotta get the machine first. Learn how to use it."
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“Why am I not surprised that you wrote dirty books?” Midge replies. “You might want to keep your pen name here as well.” Gay romances are still far too outrageous for the mainstream. “Oh, I’d like to be saved by a witcher. I know just how I’d thank him too.”
Wink. Geralt’s an attractive man, but Midge has no real interest in him. Maybe if Jaskier hears her talk about another man, it will ease his mind about whatever feelings he thinks she has for him.
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He snaps out of it when she makes her witcher joke, and he laughs pretty hard.
"Who knows, maybe those fucking portals will drop another witcher soon and you may get your wish." It does ease his mind a little. "If you think my cock is nice, you should see Geralt's. As thick as the rest of him." He shakes his head, almost in disbelief. "I bet his brothers are the same."
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“I think your cock fits very nicely inside me,” Midge tells him. “Any bigger and it might be painful.”
So much for making him think that she wants other men. She’s terrible at this.
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Her concerns are valid, though, so Jaskier doesn't think anything of it. In fact, he grins around the bottle neck as he takes another sip.
"Too big may hurt a little, yes," he admits, clearly talking from experience. "But there's nicely big. With enough lubrication, it feels wonderfully full."
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“Yeah, I’m sure, but you fill me exactly right. It’s like Goldilocks.”
Does he know that story?
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Goldilocks isn't something he recognizes, no - but he draws the wrong conclusion from her comparison. Jaskier raises his eyebrows. "You call me out for writing raunchy stuff, but what have you been reading? Please do tell me more about this Goldilocks lad and their size preferences."
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this is extra funny when you consider that book Jaskier is blond and curls his hair
hehehehe
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how about a nest of Harrisi (huge poisonous spiders) hiding in the walls
sounds good - I know nothing about Witcher monsters
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I love this already
I've been giggling since the texting started
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