"Yes, you both are." Listen, he just calls it as he sees it. He snorts at her hopes for his feeling better. "I told him to break it up before it came to this several times. He didn't listen. He'll have the headache he deserves." When Midge mentions texting, Geralt just nods and leaves as well.
At home, he wakes Jaskier up long enough merely for Yen to check on him, then he lets him sleep. Only fair. But when Jaskier wakes up for good, Geralt shares every single bit of the conversation, not caring about the stupid hangover headache just like he promised.
Jaskier is pretty annoyed by hearing that Midge accused him of only wanting sex, which he's pretty sure is what makes him throw up faster. It does sound like she took it back, thought? Maybe? He doesn't know what to think.
But as days pass without any amounts of alcohol or fucking being enough to silence his heart, he knows what he must do. He's just terrified of it.
He stares at his device as if it was a monster waiting to eat him.
Midge struggles on miserably as the week goes by. Maybe Jaskier won’t text her. Maybe he’s decided that she’s not worth his time anymore.
(Yes, she could text him, but she also doesn’t want to push it. Midge feels like she’s in high school again, dealing with this breakup. She doesn’t know how to handle it.)
Seeing his name come through on her device makes her heart leap, although dread quickly follows. For once in her life, she doesn’t know what to say.
Yes.
Are you okay?
Do you want to talk? We should talk. I want to talk to you.
Just… putting every scenario out there, she guesses.
There’s a pause as she debates if she ought to send this last message. Fortunately, it’s easier to ‘say’ over text than it would be to his face.
There’s a diner that I go to sometimes. I’ll send you the address.
Midge is nervous and excited to meet him. She’s cautiously optimistic. Even if he says he misses her, they still might not be able to give each other what they want.
More staring at the screen. He can feel his heart constricting again. He's dramatic, he knows. And usually, he loves being dramatic for a crowd. But this... even if it doesn't work out, he doesn't want to make it worse.
Apparently he didn’t want to do this right now, but then changed his mind. That’s good. She’s ready to talk now.
I’ll see you soon.
It’s a long ride out to Coney Island, which gives Midge some time to think. She finds Jaskier at the railing by the sea, the Wonder Wheel rising up in the distance behind him.
“Hey,” she says quietly, giving him a little smile. He’s dressed way down, for him. Midge is perfectly coordinated as always. If she got one thing from Rose, it’s that she will always look fabulous, even if she’s dying inside.
“You wanna sit?” Midge inclines her head towards a nearby bench that faces the ocean.
She looks as beautiful as she always does, and Jaskier can't help but to stare at her for a second while his heart cries out for her. He puts his hands in the pockets of his jacket, hoping that will stop them from doing something stupid.
"Hey." He returns the little smile. "I actually mentioned this place because I thought we could go for a walk on the beach? I find the coast soothing."
This is the most subdued that she’s ever seen him before. Midge is afraid that his somber mood means that he’s going to tell her he never wants to see her again after today. Maybe that’s what she deserves.
“In these shoes?” she teases. It’s not really a joke, nor a funny one, but she’s off kilter. Going to the aforementioned bench, Midge sits and removes her heels. Now barefoot, she and Jaskier pick their way down the boardwalk that leads over the dunes, then over the soft white sand to the packed wet sand by the shoreline.
Midge takes a deep breath and lets it out. “I’m sorry,” she tells him.
He chuckles, so it works well enough. His boots are good enough for the beach, but he takes them off anyway. He wants to feel the sand on his toes - it works. The beach is always a balm for his soul.
The apology is unexpected and it throws Jaskier for a second. Fuck, how can she always be so sweet? He takes a deep breath.
"Never apologize for loving," he replies as he asks his heart to calm down. "I'm sorry I made you cry." There's a pause before he bursts out, "You told Geralt I wanted you for sex."
She nods, because there’s no point in denying it. They need to be honest with each other right now.
“I was angry and feeling bitter,” she replies. “He pointed out all of the time we spent together not having sex, the things that we shared with each other. I know it wasn’t just sex, and I’m sorry that I said that.”
"Thank you," he responds, followed by a snort. "You know we've stepped into hell when we're getting relationship counceling from him of all people."
He hasn't forgotten that he had to put up with his and Yennefer's bullshit for years.
Silence follows them for a moment. Jaskier looks at the sea - not because he refuses to look at her (how could he?) but because he knows that if he does, he'll surrender to her sad eyes.
Also, he may be scared.
Just a little.
Okay, a lot.
"I missed you. Terribly," he finally says with a broken voice. "This week apart made me realize how much I need you in my life."
He takes another deep breath.
"I'm willing to try. A relationship, I mean. Exclusivity. But it wouldn't be what you know. It wouldn't be traditional. I am not a husband. So there's a lot to discuss. To reach... compromise."
Midge is completely floored by what she hears. Whatever she was expecting, it wasn’t this.
She’s dumbfounded for a moment, the sound of waves crashing and seagulls calling taking over. “You… really? You don’t have to marry me, Jaskier. I wasn’t expecting a proposal.”
Midge moves closer to him, standing in the surf as the cold water rushes over her feet. She lets out a little yelp, then a laugh at the temperature of it. “That’s cold! Sorry. Momentary distraction. Tell me what you want.”
There goes the p-word again. Jaskier sighs - this is precisely why they need to talk. Before he can say anything, though, Midge is yelping. And what else can he do but laugh?
It is a good distraction, at least. It gets rid of some of the tension.
Jaskier loathes the cold, but being a beach boy and having camped outside during chilly Autumns mean his tolerance has grown since he was a brat napping by the hearth. He offers his arm to Midge, because he can't take it anymore. "You are not being smooth, you know. You just had to ask." He's teasing to cover his need.
For the next few steps, he just enjoys having her close again.
Welp. Here goes nothing.
"You said the same thing in the club. Marriage, proposal. That's what worried me - you're missing the point. It's not about the ring and the paperwork. It's about the man's role. It's about being the provider and changing diapers." He kicks a shell in the sand. "Actually, that's a good place to start. I don't want kids. That one is not negotiable."
He isn't sure if this relationship will even make it that far, but better put it all out now.
Midge grips his arm gratefully. “I didn’t know if you wanted me to…” she says by way of explanation. She would have been heartbroken if she’d asked to take his arm and he had rebuffed her.
No kids is an easy agreement for her. “I have enough kids,” Midge agrees, “and they have a father.” Meaning that she doesn’t expect him to be one to them. “In time though, I’d hope that you would like to meet them. Maybe you can be an adult figure for them like you are for Ciri. Slowly. If you want to.” She’s not going to push him regarding her kids right now.
"Meeting them is fine. I'll help you throw birthday parties, hold your hand if one of them has a fever. Just... small doses." Ha pauses as he thinks about it. "I can't promise I'll be an adult figure, but-- it may happen. Being an uncle is something I can grow into."
Another pause. There's so much to say, and everything connects to everything, it's hard to just name them as if it was a shopping list. And to think he's supposed to have a way with words. He doesn't want to overwhelm her.
"I told you my career and my family are my priorities. That will continue to be true. It doesn't mean you don't mean the world to me." He still thinks this may not work. But he'd rather try and find out, that's how he's always lived. "I want it to be your priorities too. I want you on stage. I want you to watch your kids grow - I can have you on your free days. Let Joel be the babysitter of our sex." Just kidding. Maybe. "If you get a good gig, you better fucking cancel our date if necessary."
His next request is more surprising. Not that he intends to place emphasis on his career, but that he expects her to emphasize her own as well. It’s so much the opposite of what most people in her life would say.
As for his family, she hopes that one day he might consider her a part of his family too.
“Alright,” she replies, smiling when Jaskier calls Joel the babysitter of their sex. “You have a deal with that.”
Well, she's smiling at least. Jaskier is a little worried she may say yes to everything just to get through this faster. But okay, she was wordy about her kids. Maybe it was just this one thing that needed a mere 'alright'. Gotta give her a chance.
"I understand what Joel has put you through. But if there's one quality in me that you can trust, it's loyalty. You can ask Geralt if it'll make you feel better, gods know he fucked up many a time." A little huff. Fucking bastard, he swears. "That said, I am... naturally flirty. It doesn't mean anything; it's just for fun. It won't go all the way. But that is how I speak, how I charm people. It's not something I can change."
So she'll have to learn to put up with it, he's saying. This is probably the big one, the one that will decide how the rest of the conversation will go.
"And I'm perfectly fine with you doing the same, if it pleases you. I'm not a jealous person. You can keep eye-fucking Lenny if you want," the tone in that last one is teasing. "This is what I meant by not traditional, not a husband. If we go to a party, I don't expect you to stay seated and wait to dance with me. We will dance, because I love dancing with you and showing you off, because I'll be the lucky bastard with the prettiest girl in the room. I want you to mingle and dance and laugh with friends. Dance with Perdita. Dance with Molly, she thinks you're cute. Dance with both twins at the same time. Dance with Dick-- no, actually, don't dance with Dick, he's an awful dancer."
The more emotional the talk gets, the more he needs affection to support him through it. Before he can stop himself, he takes the hand on his arm to his face to kiss her hand.
"I'm not a husband, and I'm not looking for a wife. I like my freedom, and I want you to be free too. We shall be independent together, as ironic as it sounds."
Midge smiles as he goes on, though she rolls her eyes when Jaskier mentions eye-fucking Lenny. The smile turns to a grin when he kisses her hand.
“I don’t mind flirting or dancing. That’s who you are, and I wouldn’t want to change that.” Her smile fades a little bit. “The only thing I ask is that you don’t sleep with anyone else… and I know that’s a big ask, but with what happened with Joel…”
Jaskier cheating on her would be a huge blow, one that she probably wouldn’t be able to forgive him for.
“If you want to be with someone else, I would rather that you break up with me.”
Gosh, she truly is a dream. He hopes all these easy yes won't come back to kick them in the butt later.
Knowing that this one is a big deal and how his reputation makes him look, Jaskier stops walking and takes her hand to squeeze it as he looks at her lovely eyes.
"Miriam, I promise on my lute that I won't sleep with anybody else." A nod. "It's funny you say that, because that's another thing I had in mind--" He chuckles. "If this ever stops working for you, break up with me. Don't become the resentful woman stuck in a relationship. Again: I'm not looking for a wife. Just love." A wink. "And your amazing tits, I guess."
He doesn't know how long they'll last, but as long as they're together, he wants it to be good.
"There's something I wanted to mention--" He puts both his hands up, very defensive, which means now his boots are hanging between you. "I know it's a no already. This is not an ask. Just... a reminder. Some couples have a relationship, but agree to have some fun on the side. They call it 'to be open'. It's not for you, I know. But if you ever change your mind, because you're young and you'll see the world someday, if it's just a tiny curiosity... then please know you can come to me. With that, or anything else. If you want to explore something, there's a high chance I want to explore it too. I've seen things. I promise you, you'll never get weirder than myself."
Alright, time for another deep breath. The other big one.
"Which takes us to..." He rubs his forehead. "I'm still a queer man. You haven't fixed me." He sounds irritated by that idea. It's not her fault; it's not his intention to accuse her of anything. Just issues in the community that can get on his nerves. "If I'm not sleeping with men anymore, that means you'll have to take care of all my needs." He waggles his eyebrows. Making a joke about tits is a little thing, but he isn't about to get detailed about gay sex. "It doesn't have to be today, or next week. But it'll have to happen."
“I’m pretty sure that all I want is you,” Midge says, “but, we don’t know what the future holds. I’ll keep it in mind.” Depending on how long they’re together, there’s always a chance that Midge might change her mind somewhere down the line.
His last request makes her blush. God, he’s still able to make her blush with stuff like that. “You mean… like we did a few weeks ago? I liked watching you, and I think we can work up to me doing that to you. I want to satisfy you in bed.” He’s not asking her to do anything that she’s necessarily uncomfortable with. Just unfamiliar with. Midge kisses his cheek. “There’s nothing about you to fix. You aren’t broken.” Jaskier is a unique man. Most people wouldn’t understand her attraction to him, but they don’t have to understand it.
She supposes it’s her turn. She has one last request for him. “I need you to please respect my family and my religion. We can try again with my family, and at some point we need to discuss why you think they treat me badly. You may not ever see eye to eye with them, but they love me and they want the best for me.” Midge takes his hand. “Yes, they’re irritating. Wait until you meet Joel’s family. That’s another thing. Joel is part of my life, whether we like it or not. I expect all of them to respect you as well. You’re my choice, and it’s unfortunate if it makes them unhappy. They can deal with it or they can lose me — and my kids.”
She stops to take a few breaths before continuing. “I do not expect you to convert to Judaism or to participate in that part of my life. It seems as though religion was used to make you feel ashamed. As a practicing Jew, I can’t stand here and say that Judaism never makes you feel ashamed, but it’s never about who you are as a person, the sort of things that you can’t change. Maybe one day you’ll let me share some of the basic beliefs with you, again, with no expectation of conversion. I just ask that you respect it. That’s all.”
"Yes, like that. You're still so cute when you blush." He sounds amused. "With your hand, or a toy, or something we can share." Ok, he thought he didn't want to give details, but she asked, so it's only fair. His whole body shivers when she kisses his cheek, and his skin burns for more. But it's a good thing that she kept it chaste; it's obvious they still have things to discuss. And knowing them? Anything would distract them. A little smile-- "Thank you, darling."
He allows himself to call her that after the kiss. Things are going well, after all. Her hand goes back to his arm and they can start walking again. There's something left and--
Yep. There we go. Jaskier closes his eyes, pays attention to her every word but also lets the sound of the waves take over him. He'll need the patience.
"Thanks for bringing the subject up. Because I wanted to touch it, too, yet I kept thinking that every way to approach it made me sound like a jerk. Your family and Joel..." A little sigh. "Small doses." Like he said with the kids. "I promise I won't start fights. I won't taunt Joel. But if they say something first, I won't stay silent, Midge. I refuse to be subdued in my private life. I'm sorry, but arguments are going to happen."
The fact that she says they can lose her if they don't respect him, though - that's huge. It makes Jaskier's chest warm and his heart skip a beat. Damn, girl. He's dying to kiss her now.
"As for religion..." Oh, dear. "I won't make fun of you. I won't stop you from practicing. If there's an event, like a wedding or some holiday dinner, then you can count on me to share your special moment. But I won't pray, and I won't go to the temple with the family on the weekends. That's not negotiable either." Never about who they are as a person? He doubts that - he doesn't trust an institution that doesn't let women be rabbis, too. But he keeps that to himself. "I'm going to pass on the beliefs for now. But I'll keep it in mind." He mirrors the answer she gave him about open relationships. Can't hurt to be a little accommodating.
She nods, knowing that it will be rocky between Jaskier and her family. All she can hope for is that with time, they will all come to be able to at least tolerate each other.
“That’s fair. That’s all I ask for. You can make fun of religion a little. I make fun of it. No religion is perfect. Jews will be the first people to tell you that.”
They stop in the sand, Midge looking up into his eyes with a bright sparkle in hers and a tiny smile on her lips.
“Is that all of our terms? I mean, other than the fact that I expect you to lavish me with gifts, but that’s just a given.” She’s teasing. Or is she? “How should we seal this pact, my darling bard?”
Is that all of their terms? Jaskier stops to think about that for a second while laughing about the gift comment.
"I do like taking care of you, to be fair." He drops the boots so he can gently grab her hand in both of his.
"I just... want you to review everything we just discussed one last time in your mind. Because I was already terrified to do this, and you saying yes to everything so easily has me on the fucking edge." His tone isn't aggressive, more like nervous. "I live my life day by day. I don't plan much. I can't promise marriage at all, and living together may be possible yet far in the future. Like I said, we have careers to figure out. I will be there for you at 3 am when Joel is being an arshole, but I also may wake up tomorrow and leave for a week with Geralt. Or mayhaps I didn't hear your text because I'm sleeping at noon after drinking late with the band. I like fucking off when I feel like it, so I may miss something."
They haven't discussed Geralt, he realizes now. And hey, after the shit the Countess gave him for it, Jaskier isn't complaining. It's just strange how this world has a different perception of many things.
"Independence and freedom. That's what I'm about, and I expect you to have those things too. So..." He smiles more widely now. "Review the list. And if you truly don't mind at all, then-- you've earned yourself a boyfriend, my witty lady."
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At home, he wakes Jaskier up long enough merely for Yen to check on him, then he lets him sleep. Only fair. But when Jaskier wakes up for good, Geralt shares every single bit of the conversation, not caring about the stupid hangover headache just like he promised.
Jaskier is pretty annoyed by hearing that Midge accused him of only wanting sex, which he's pretty sure is what makes him throw up faster. It does sound like she took it back, thought? Maybe? He doesn't know what to think.
But as days pass without any amounts of alcohol or fucking being enough to silence his heart, he knows what he must do. He's just terrified of it.
He stares at his device as if it was a monster waiting to eat him.
You said I could text you?
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(Yes, she could text him, but she also doesn’t want to push it. Midge feels like she’s in high school again, dealing with this breakup. She doesn’t know how to handle it.)
Seeing his name come through on her device makes her heart leap, although dread quickly follows. For once in her life, she doesn’t know what to say.
Yes.
Are you okay?
Do you want to talk? We should talk. I want to talk to you.
Just… putting every scenario out there, she guesses.
There’s a pause as she debates if she ought to send this last message. Fortunately, it’s easier to ‘say’ over text than it would be to his face.
I miss you.
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It's that last text that finally breaks him.
I miss you too.
We should talk. But not on the device.
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There’s a diner that I go to sometimes. I’ll send you the address.
Midge is nervous and excited to meet him. She’s cautiously optimistic. Even if he says he misses her, they still might not be able to give each other what they want.
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Are you too busy?
I was thinking Coney Island.
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Alright. Should I leave now?
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fuck
i thought
i said somewhere far and thought you'd need
The three dots appear and disappear for a few seconds.
Yes. Now. See you soon.
Jaskier is already there when Midge arrives, resting on a railing while watching the sea. The coast has always been a lullaby for his heart.
There's no bag or lute, no makeup or jewelry except for the elven ring. Just the gray vest and his long read coat. Simple. Just Jaskier.
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Apparently he didn’t want to do this right now, but then changed his mind. That’s good. She’s ready to talk now.
I’ll see you soon.
It’s a long ride out to Coney Island, which gives Midge some time to think. She finds Jaskier at the railing by the sea, the Wonder Wheel rising up in the distance behind him.
“Hey,” she says quietly, giving him a little smile. He’s dressed way down, for him. Midge is perfectly coordinated as always. If she got one thing from Rose, it’s that she will always look fabulous, even if she’s dying inside.
“You wanna sit?” Midge inclines her head towards a nearby bench that faces the ocean.
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"Hey." He returns the little smile. "I actually mentioned this place because I thought we could go for a walk on the beach? I find the coast soothing."
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“In these shoes?” she teases. It’s not really a joke, nor a funny one, but she’s off kilter. Going to the aforementioned bench, Midge sits and removes her heels. Now barefoot, she and Jaskier pick their way down the boardwalk that leads over the dunes, then over the soft white sand to the packed wet sand by the shoreline.
Midge takes a deep breath and lets it out. “I’m sorry,” she tells him.
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The apology is unexpected and it throws Jaskier for a second. Fuck, how can she always be so sweet? He takes a deep breath.
"Never apologize for loving," he replies as he asks his heart to calm down. "I'm sorry I made you cry." There's a pause before he bursts out, "You told Geralt I wanted you for sex."
Well. He did warn her he was a bitch.
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“I was angry and feeling bitter,” she replies. “He pointed out all of the time we spent together not having sex, the things that we shared with each other. I know it wasn’t just sex, and I’m sorry that I said that.”
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He hasn't forgotten that he had to put up with his and Yennefer's bullshit for years.
Silence follows them for a moment. Jaskier looks at the sea - not because he refuses to look at her (how could he?) but because he knows that if he does, he'll surrender to her sad eyes.
Also, he may be scared.
Just a little.
Okay, a lot.
"I missed you. Terribly," he finally says with a broken voice. "This week apart made me realize how much I need you in my life."
He takes another deep breath.
"I'm willing to try. A relationship, I mean. Exclusivity. But it wouldn't be what you know. It wouldn't be traditional. I am not a husband. So there's a lot to discuss. To reach... compromise."
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She’s dumbfounded for a moment, the sound of waves crashing and seagulls calling taking over. “You… really? You don’t have to marry me, Jaskier. I wasn’t expecting a proposal.”
Midge moves closer to him, standing in the surf as the cold water rushes over her feet. She lets out a little yelp, then a laugh at the temperature of it. “That’s cold! Sorry. Momentary distraction. Tell me what you want.”
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It is a good distraction, at least. It gets rid of some of the tension.
Jaskier loathes the cold, but being a beach boy and having camped outside during chilly Autumns mean his tolerance has grown since he was a brat napping by the hearth. He offers his arm to Midge, because he can't take it anymore. "You are not being smooth, you know. You just had to ask." He's teasing to cover his need.
For the next few steps, he just enjoys having her close again.
Welp. Here goes nothing.
"You said the same thing in the club. Marriage, proposal. That's what worried me - you're missing the point. It's not about the ring and the paperwork. It's about the man's role. It's about being the provider and changing diapers." He kicks a shell in the sand. "Actually, that's a good place to start. I don't want kids. That one is not negotiable."
He isn't sure if this relationship will even make it that far, but better put it all out now.
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No kids is an easy agreement for her. “I have enough kids,” Midge agrees, “and they have a father.” Meaning that she doesn’t expect him to be one to them. “In time though, I’d hope that you would like to meet them. Maybe you can be an adult figure for them like you are for Ciri. Slowly. If you want to.” She’s not going to push him regarding her kids right now.
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Another pause. There's so much to say, and everything connects to everything, it's hard to just name them as if it was a shopping list. And to think he's supposed to have a way with words. He doesn't want to overwhelm her.
"I told you my career and my family are my priorities. That will continue to be true. It doesn't mean you don't mean the world to me." He still thinks this may not work. But he'd rather try and find out, that's how he's always lived. "I want it to be your priorities too. I want you on stage. I want you to watch your kids grow - I can have you on your free days. Let Joel be the babysitter of our sex." Just kidding. Maybe. "If you get a good gig, you better fucking cancel our date if necessary."
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His next request is more surprising. Not that he intends to place emphasis on his career, but that he expects her to emphasize her own as well. It’s so much the opposite of what most people in her life would say.
As for his family, she hopes that one day he might consider her a part of his family too.
“Alright,” she replies, smiling when Jaskier calls Joel the babysitter of their sex. “You have a deal with that.”
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"I understand what Joel has put you through. But if there's one quality in me that you can trust, it's loyalty. You can ask Geralt if it'll make you feel better, gods know he fucked up many a time." A little huff. Fucking bastard, he swears. "That said, I am... naturally flirty. It doesn't mean anything; it's just for fun. It won't go all the way. But that is how I speak, how I charm people. It's not something I can change."
So she'll have to learn to put up with it, he's saying. This is probably the big one, the one that will decide how the rest of the conversation will go.
"And I'm perfectly fine with you doing the same, if it pleases you. I'm not a jealous person. You can keep eye-fucking Lenny if you want," the tone in that last one is teasing. "This is what I meant by not traditional, not a husband. If we go to a party, I don't expect you to stay seated and wait to dance with me. We will dance, because I love dancing with you and showing you off, because I'll be the lucky bastard with the prettiest girl in the room. I want you to mingle and dance and laugh with friends. Dance with Perdita. Dance with Molly, she thinks you're cute. Dance with both twins at the same time. Dance with Dick-- no, actually, don't dance with Dick, he's an awful dancer."
The more emotional the talk gets, the more he needs affection to support him through it. Before he can stop himself, he takes the hand on his arm to his face to kiss her hand.
"I'm not a husband, and I'm not looking for a wife. I like my freedom, and I want you to be free too. We shall be independent together, as ironic as it sounds."
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“I don’t mind flirting or dancing. That’s who you are, and I wouldn’t want to change that.” Her smile fades a little bit. “The only thing I ask is that you don’t sleep with anyone else… and I know that’s a big ask, but with what happened with Joel…”
Jaskier cheating on her would be a huge blow, one that she probably wouldn’t be able to forgive him for.
“If you want to be with someone else, I would rather that you break up with me.”
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Knowing that this one is a big deal and how his reputation makes him look, Jaskier stops walking and takes her hand to squeeze it as he looks at her lovely eyes.
"Miriam, I promise on my lute that I won't sleep with anybody else." A nod. "It's funny you say that, because that's another thing I had in mind--" He chuckles. "If this ever stops working for you, break up with me. Don't become the resentful woman stuck in a relationship. Again: I'm not looking for a wife. Just love." A wink. "And your amazing tits, I guess."
He doesn't know how long they'll last, but as long as they're together, he wants it to be good.
"There's something I wanted to mention--" He puts both his hands up, very defensive, which means now his boots are hanging between you. "I know it's a no already. This is not an ask. Just... a reminder. Some couples have a relationship, but agree to have some fun on the side. They call it 'to be open'. It's not for you, I know. But if you ever change your mind, because you're young and you'll see the world someday, if it's just a tiny curiosity... then please know you can come to me. With that, or anything else. If you want to explore something, there's a high chance I want to explore it too. I've seen things. I promise you, you'll never get weirder than myself."
Alright, time for another deep breath. The other big one.
"Which takes us to..." He rubs his forehead. "I'm still a queer man. You haven't fixed me." He sounds irritated by that idea. It's not her fault; it's not his intention to accuse her of anything. Just issues in the community that can get on his nerves. "If I'm not sleeping with men anymore, that means you'll have to take care of all my needs." He waggles his eyebrows. Making a joke about tits is a little thing, but he isn't about to get detailed about gay sex. "It doesn't have to be today, or next week. But it'll have to happen."
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His last request makes her blush. God, he’s still able to make her blush with stuff like that. “You mean… like we did a few weeks ago? I liked watching you, and I think we can work up to me doing that to you. I want to satisfy you in bed.” He’s not asking her to do anything that she’s necessarily uncomfortable with. Just unfamiliar with. Midge kisses his cheek. “There’s nothing about you to fix. You aren’t broken.” Jaskier is a unique man. Most people wouldn’t understand her attraction to him, but they don’t have to understand it.
She supposes it’s her turn. She has one last request for him. “I need you to please respect my family and my religion. We can try again with my family, and at some point we need to discuss why you think they treat me badly. You may not ever see eye to eye with them, but they love me and they want the best for me.” Midge takes his hand. “Yes, they’re irritating. Wait until you meet Joel’s family. That’s another thing. Joel is part of my life, whether we like it or not. I expect all of them to respect you as well. You’re my choice, and it’s unfortunate if it makes them unhappy. They can deal with it or they can lose me — and my kids.”
She stops to take a few breaths before continuing. “I do not expect you to convert to Judaism or to participate in that part of my life. It seems as though religion was used to make you feel ashamed. As a practicing Jew, I can’t stand here and say that Judaism never makes you feel ashamed, but it’s never about who you are as a person, the sort of things that you can’t change. Maybe one day you’ll let me share some of the basic beliefs with you, again, with no expectation of conversion. I just ask that you respect it. That’s all.”
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He allows himself to call her that after the kiss. Things are going well, after all. Her hand goes back to his arm and they can start walking again. There's something left and--
Yep. There we go. Jaskier closes his eyes, pays attention to her every word but also lets the sound of the waves take over him. He'll need the patience.
"Thanks for bringing the subject up. Because I wanted to touch it, too, yet I kept thinking that every way to approach it made me sound like a jerk. Your family and Joel..." A little sigh. "Small doses." Like he said with the kids. "I promise I won't start fights. I won't taunt Joel. But if they say something first, I won't stay silent, Midge. I refuse to be subdued in my private life. I'm sorry, but arguments are going to happen."
The fact that she says they can lose her if they don't respect him, though - that's huge. It makes Jaskier's chest warm and his heart skip a beat. Damn, girl. He's dying to kiss her now.
"As for religion..." Oh, dear. "I won't make fun of you. I won't stop you from practicing. If there's an event, like a wedding or some holiday dinner, then you can count on me to share your special moment. But I won't pray, and I won't go to the temple with the family on the weekends. That's not negotiable either." Never about who they are as a person? He doubts that - he doesn't trust an institution that doesn't let women be rabbis, too. But he keeps that to himself. "I'm going to pass on the beliefs for now. But I'll keep it in mind." He mirrors the answer she gave him about open relationships. Can't hurt to be a little accommodating.
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“That’s fair. That’s all I ask for. You can make fun of religion a little. I make fun of it. No religion is perfect. Jews will be the first people to tell you that.”
They stop in the sand, Midge looking up into his eyes with a bright sparkle in hers and a tiny smile on her lips.
“Is that all of our terms? I mean, other than the fact that I expect you to lavish me with gifts, but that’s just a given.” She’s teasing. Or is she? “How should we seal this pact, my darling bard?”
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"I do like taking care of you, to be fair." He drops the boots so he can gently grab her hand in both of his.
"I just... want you to review everything we just discussed one last time in your mind. Because I was already terrified to do this, and you saying yes to everything so easily has me on the fucking edge." His tone isn't aggressive, more like nervous. "I live my life day by day. I don't plan much. I can't promise marriage at all, and living together may be possible yet far in the future. Like I said, we have careers to figure out. I will be there for you at 3 am when Joel is being an arshole, but I also may wake up tomorrow and leave for a week with Geralt. Or mayhaps I didn't hear your text because I'm sleeping at noon after drinking late with the band. I like fucking off when I feel like it, so I may miss something."
They haven't discussed Geralt, he realizes now. And hey, after the shit the Countess gave him for it, Jaskier isn't complaining. It's just strange how this world has a different perception of many things.
"Independence and freedom. That's what I'm about, and I expect you to have those things too. So..." He smiles more widely now. "Review the list. And if you truly don't mind at all, then-- you've earned yourself a boyfriend, my witty lady."
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