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[doesntsing]

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[doesntsing]

Well, I do have access to the credit card.

No. Not at all.

A part of me will always love Joel because we share children, but I don’t want to replace him or get back together with him.

Jaskier can’t really be a replacement if they’re not in a relationship, can he?

[treblemaking]

Alright, as long as you are sure.

I'd better take a shower and pack for my little trip. Talk to you later?

The next day, Midge will wake up to find a box on her window. Isn't magic great? The cute red box with a pink bow has chocolates and the envelope on the bow says Midge in Jaskier's fancy penmanship.

Inside the envelope, she'll find a little piece of paper that says Yennefer in a different handwriting and her number under it. There are also three Polaroid pictures:

The first one is Jaskier taking a close-up selfie on his bedroom mirror. He's winking for the camera and wearing his robe, so some of his chest hair is visible.

The second one was clearly taken by someone else. Jaskier is sitting on a reading chair by the fire, legs crossed, looking at the glass of red wine in his hand. He's put on his blue suit and all the little accessories he wore for her gig, including eyeliner.

The third picture is wrapped in a piece of paper and has a note from Jaskier. This one may be a little too much. Feel free not to open it at all, or to burn it if I've crossed the line. No pressure. In this one, Jaskier is sitting naked in front of his bedroom mirror, arm resting on a raised knee. He's winking again, and the camera is covering his groin just to tease.

[doesntsing]

His little gift is a pleasant surprise to wake up to, and the naughty picture makes her gasp. It’s so like him though. Midge grabs her phone and sends him a message.

You work quickly. Thanks for the gift.

[treblemaking]

The reply doesn't come until night falls.

Oh, darling, getting to read you again is a ray of sunlight in a fucking storm. Sorry I didn't see this before; it's been a very long, muddy day. I'm glad you like it. Were the chocolates good? Did you open the third photograph?

Kept falling asleep

[doesntsing]

I’m glad you’re okay. I knew you were going out of town, but I was still starting to get worried when you hadn’t responded. Hunting monsters?

It was all very good, especially your naughty photo.

[treblemaking]

Aww, aren't you sweet? Worry not, I'm fine. Well, as fine as someone with mud and swamp water on his hair can be. Want to bet on how many shampoo bottles I'll go through this week? That toothy bastard hasn't shown up yet, so we have to go back to the swamps tomorrow. We're at the motel now. I'm pretty sure I've slept on stables more comfortable than this bed.

Especially, huh? Are you saying I'm better than chocolate?

[doesntsing]

I’m going to ask this question and hopefully you won’t get offended.

Do you actually help with the monster hunting or are you just there to observe and write ballads?

I wasn’t saying that. But it’s a nice photo.

[treblemaking]

I do help! Just because it's not actual fighting, it doesn't mean I'm a mere observer - although that IS my main job.

I talk to the locals to gather information. I argue with the client to get well-paid, and with motel and diner owners to get good prices. I gather ingredients for Geralt's potions. I stitch him up when he's done, massage him if he's sore, take care of the tangles in his hair. Back home, I would brush Roach's mane, too. And sometimes I play bait.

[doesntsing]

Okay, fair enough. I figured Geralt wouldn’t have you tagging along if you weren’t at least useful.

Is Roach a horse?

[treblemaking]

To be fair, they're all things I learned through the years. I definitely started as a mere observer. He taught me to start a fire and clean a fish. Setting up camp used to be part of my duties, too.

Oh, yes! You must be the first person in the history of humanity who got that from context and didn't jump on the bug. Geralt calls all his horses Roach, after the fish. He clearly misses her - so do I, honestly. I know he's been looking at horses here, but we can't exactly have one in the garden.

[doesntsing]

Oh, you actually have useful survival skills. I’m impressed.

Well, roaches don’t tend to have manes, so I assumed. He might be able to stable a horse out of town.

Or just steal one of the police horses.

Don’t do that.

[treblemaking]

I'm unsure whether to say thank you or be offended. It's a very important distinction to make that shall decide if I ever make stew for you.

Police horses?! Why do those motherfuckers have horses in this world? Must the poor creatures walk the street among the very dangerous cars?

You can't drop such a revelation and then ask me not to do anything about it! Geralt will probably want to rescue them. He's already quite annoyed by the whole helmet nonsense.

[doesntsing]

As I said, I’m impressed. What kind of stew do you make?

Not all of them ride horses. There’s a small brigade that do. ‘Rescuing’ the horses will probably result in jail time.

[treblemaking]

Ah, it's just... stew? Chopped vegetables and the meat of whatever animal Geralt could kill. Some spices, if I have them at hand. I wouldn't call myself a cook; I've learned a few rustic things to get by on the road. Stew, roasted meat, mashed potatoes, you get the idea.

Those poor things... as if I needed another reason to hate those cockheads. By the by, do you know how to ride? I haven't done it in a while.

[doesntsing]

I’ll make my brisket for you if you make your stew for me.

I know how to ride a horse but I’m not great at it. Mama grew up riding horses in Oklahoma, so she wanted us to at least learn how to ride.

[treblemaking]

Huh. I was trying to joke, I didn't expect... Are you sure? Like I said, it's very rustic and basic. It won't be an amazing meal.

We've been looking for a place to ride, so if you want to come sometime, let me know.

[doesntsing]

I can always just make my brisket for you without reciprocating.

Okay. As I said, I’m not great at it. I don’t get many chances to practice.

[treblemaking]

I'll cook for you if that's your wish. I just wanted to make sure you knew what you were getting into. And I'd love to try your ingredients either way. We can take some food to the apartment next time, cook together.

You don't need to be great just to have fun. Aren't you curious to see how many 'riding' jokes you can make in one afternoon?

[doesntsing]

I’m willing to try your cooking, Jaskier.

With you there? Probably a ton. How quickly will Geralt get annoyed?

[treblemaking]

Then we have a deal, my witty lady. What is the animal of your choice? (Anything but squirrels, please, they're so chewy.)

Being around horses will keep him distracted. And if Ciri comes too, his attention will be on her. Speaking of my family, did you text Yennefer?

[doesntsing]

Uh. Beef. Or chicken.

I try to keep Kosher, which is a Jewish way of eating and has certain rules. I’m not always perfect at it, because some forbidden foods are delicious, such as bacon.

Squirrels are not Kosher.

Not yet! I’ll do it tomorrow if you think she’s ready for it.

[treblemaking]

The answer takes a few minutes to arrive because, first, Jaskier has to rant to Geralt about religions controlling what you eat. Geez, what else comes next?

Brisket is cow, correct? Then I shall get chicken. Is there anything else I should know about these 'rules'? I don't want to be afraid of getting you chocolates again.

Please do. She needs friends, especially lady friends. The mall will be fine if you need a place to meet, she'll like the makeup counter and the fancy dresses. But if you have lunch or tea, choose somewhere nicer, not a diner. (And let me know how it goes, or I'll die of gossip deficiency.)

[doesntsing]

Jaskier, it’s fine. She’s choosing to do this, and she’s practical enough that if her options were to eat bacon or starve, she’d eat the bacon.

I’m not supposed to eat meat and dairy together, so a cheeseburger, for example (also delicious), or drinking milk while eating meat. Chocolates are fine.

I have a few ideas. I’ll text her tomorrow.

[treblemaking]

Oh. That's simple enough.

Geralt has finally freed the shower, so I need to get rid of the miniature swamp on my head before the smell gets stuck in my clothes. Straight to bed after that, since we're waking up at sunrise.

Talk to you later, darling. And good luck with the witch.

The next day, however, Jaskier doesn't answer any of her texts. Same on Wednesday. If Midge worries too much and asks Yennefer, she'll tell her it's normal. Magic may interfere with the signals, or Geralt may've demanded that all devices be off. Noises may attract dangerous things.

It isn't until Thursday evening that Yennefer writes to Midge with some news: the mighty heroes are back... and Jaskier is sick. It's not serious, just a cold - well, not a normal cold, exactly. Because he was stung by the monster, and while that usually can be easily healed by an antidote, this time the poison has mixed with this world's cold virus, mutating it into something new. Some Yennefer has to do some research to create a new potion. Jaskier isn't in any danger, but he is a bit delirious. If it wasn't for his sick face, she'd almost find it funny.

[doesntsing]

I’ll try not to think about your body all wet. Have a good day tomorrow.

Midge does worry a bit when she doesn’t hear from him for a few days, but Yennefer reassures her that it’s normal. They make plans to get together next week.

She’s alarmed when she hears that Jaskier is sick. Midge doesn’t want to impose too much. She asks Yennefer if she minds if Midge comes to see him, and the witch agrees.

After cooking up a batch of matzo ball soup, she puts it in a casserole dish and carries it in a taxi over to where Jaskier and his family live.