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[doesntsing]

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[treblemaking]

"Good for him," he sincerely says. Hopefully, that will keep him off Midge's back. And her excitement is cute.

"Flip out about wh--" He slowly lowers his sandwich as the answer hits him. "Because she isn't Jewish." He sighs, unsure if he should comment on that, considering what they'll encounter tomorrow because of himself.

[doesntsing]

Midge hums around a bite of hot dog. “She’s not white either.” At least Jaskier has that going for him? “But, more-so, she isn’t Jewish. Honestly, it seems like she doesn’t take his shit and that is good for him.”

Seeing his reaction, she puts her hand over one of his. “I love you. No matter what.”

[treblemaking]

"Fuck's sake..." he mumbles when Midge mentions Mei's race, and takes a long sip of his beer. In his world, the racism was against other species - elves, dwarves, witchers. Humans don't have that here, and yet they've found something to be racist about anyway. It's so fucking stupid. "Well, you don't take his shit either, so I see he has a type."

He squeezes her hand and offers a small smile. "I love you, too, dear. I just want this weekend to go well." And it's hard to promise a lack of arguments.

[doesntsing]

Midge agrees. It’s stupid. Goes to show that one group will always try to think they’re superior to another.

“I know. I do too.” She doesn’t relish the idea of arguing with her family either. “You’re one of the best things to happen to me in a long time, and I don’t want to hide that.”

[treblemaking]

He kisses her hand before returning to his sandwich.

"You can tell them as much or as little as you want, I don't care." Well, except for his sexuality, but she should already know not to bring that up. "I just want you to have a good time. And not to wear that little hat."

[doesntsing]

She would never bring his sexuality up. She knows that nobody would really understand that.

Midge quirks a smile. “The yarmulke? I think you’re exempt because you’re not Jewish. You just don’t want to mess up your beautiful hair.”

[treblemaking]

That makes him laugh. "Hey, I just bought a hat! You of all people have no right to do any hat-related judgment here!" He points at her with his beer bottle before taking another sip. "I don't even know how the yamuke thingy stays put!"

[doesntsing]

“I wear hats and my hair still looks wonderful,” Midge says. It’s probably currently a bit windswept under her sun hat, but, details. “Bobby pins, usually. Or sometimes you can balance it just right.”

[treblemaking]

"Seriously? I don't want to deal with pins to wear any hat." Another point for women and the things that they have to deal with to look good.

He finishes his sandwich and his beer - if Midge leaves any fries, he'll finish those too.

"Ready to go back to our room to get beach ready or is there something else around here you wanted to show me?"

[doesntsing]

He can finish her fries. “Nope,” she says. “Let’s go.”

They gather their shopping bags and start to walk back down the boardwalk towards the hotel.

“Want to wear our matching suits today?”

[treblemaking]

It is nice to just hold hands and bask in each other's company. The smell of the sea and the gentle breeze really put Jaskier in a good mood.

"Oh yes, that's a great idea! We can make sure they fit well even after getting in the water. I wouldn't want to end up with a bulge in front of your parents."

[doesntsing]

Midge smiles. “Can you handle seeing me in a bikini?” she teases. “All that skin… wet from the ocean.” A thought strikes her: “Did you have mermaids where you come from?”

[treblemaking]

"I haven't forgotten about our first talk about the beach, dear." He buries his nose in her ear. "I will find a private spot on the beach to fuck you."

They may need to come back after dinner when it's dark enough. But it is happening.

"Of course! That's what my song A Little Sacrifice is about. Not to be confused with sirens, who are fucking ugly and crazy."

[doesntsing]

Even after all this time, Midge still gasps at his words. No man has ever said such forward things to her - and she absolutely loves it.

“Right!” She replies, remembering that. “I could be your pretty mermaid sunning on the shore.”

I'm laughing too because mermanJaskier is an incredibly popular AU

[treblemaking]

He loves how she always reacts like this - he's proud of her for exploring things, learning a lot, and sharing her own fantasies, but Jaskier must admit he'll miss the innocent woman a bit. She's so much fun to tease.

Jaskier blinks in surprise at Midge for a few seconds before he starts laughing pretty hard. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but-- what do people here think mermaids look like?"

he’d be a sassy merman

[doesntsing]

Being an innocent housewife corrupted by him is still one of her favorite fantasies to play out.

Midge wonders why he’s laughing. “Beautiful women with fish tails instead of legs. Topless, or with a shell bra. Why? What do they look like where you come from?”

[treblemaking]

"Waitwaitwait-- you mean like- a regular human body from the waist up?" That makes him laugh again. Sorry, Midge. "This is going to kill Geralt. Wait, wait, give me a moment--"

He suddenly drops his bags on the ground and takes out his phone to text Geralt. Now that he's been taking typing classes, he's become a much faster texter. The laughing appears to calm down, only to start again when he describes the whole thing to his friend.

"I'm definitely looking this up when we return," he tells Midge while picking up his shopping bags and reaching for her hand so they can walk again. "Mermaids have blue or green skin and hair, gills, long ears, black eyeballs, and some kind of crevice on their chests. Female mermaids don't have tits - they lay eggs." He tilts his head at Midge, observing her body for a second. "You would look cute in a shell bra."

[doesntsing]

The look on Midge’s face is one of confusion and disgust.

“Some of the fairy tales describe them that way, but over time they’ve become beautiful women, human from the waist up. Sailors probably made that up so that people wouldn’t think they were having sex with ugly fish, though I’m honestly not sure how you’d have sex if you’re a fish from the waist down.”

She rolls her eyes just a little. “I’ll bet a shell bra is even more uncomfortable than a regular one.”

[treblemaking]

"There must be a hole where the eggs come out, right?" He shakes his head, but he's amused. "Glad to see the sailors making up crap to justify their sea craziness is a constant in every world, though. I could fill an entire book with just their stories."

He chuckles and kisses Midge's cheek. "If you get to keep your beautiful face and your amazing tits, then yeah, I'd love you being my mermaid."

At that moment, an answer arrives from Geralt. Jaskier laughs at it before showing it to Midge.

Humans in this world are really desperate to find a justification to fuck monsters.

[doesntsing]

Midge puts her arms up. “I don’t think ours lay eggs?” She says questioningly. “But they’re not real anyway.”

They continue walking, Midge holding onto Jaskier’s arm. “We can sew me a little fish tail. If you want me to be your topless mermaid though, that will have to be for your eyes only.”

She snorts a laugh at Geralt’s response. “More likely sailors were trying to justify what they were doing while they were out at sea.”

[treblemaking]

"That's be adorable. Mayhaps you can be my mermaid and I shall be your sailor for Samhain."

He's learned about the whole deal with the costumes, and he can't wait. Geralt isn't as excited for Halloween, since he wonders if the whole deal about spirits being out and about during the night is true.

"That too, but I get what he means. We've noticed that many horror stories have erotic undertones, and many monster legends here are just humans with animal parts. I thought Geralt loved horses, but whoever invented centaurs takes the cake."

[doesntsing]

Her eyes get wide with excitement. “Yes! Though we might have to figure out how to make it a walking fish tail. Otherwise I guess you’d have to park me on the couch for the night.”

Midge hasn’t dressed up for Halloween in years, but being with Jaskier means that he’s trying to get her to have fun again, something that she appreciates.

“Oh… you mean like King Kong and Fay Wray? I never thought about that.”

[treblemaking]

"We'll figure it out. There's no fucking way I'm spending Samhain inside after all I heard. I want to see all the costumes and the candy on the street."

And Geralt will want to patrol, so it all works out. They can be a happy little group of weirdos.

"That's the big monkey, right? Because yes, that's exactly what I mean! Did you see her torn clothes? They weren't being subtle. And don't get me started on the penetration parallels of Dracula's bite. Great book, by the way. Loved the prose and the way the description of vampires annoyed Geralt."

[doesntsing]

“I guess that’s fair. You never got to go trick-or-treating as a kid.” Midge can see him now, forcing Ciri to go up to houses and ask for candy and then taking half of it at the end of the night.

Maybe her kids can come along too, if Jaskier is comfortable with that. Then she can hopefully pack them off to Joel’s after trick-or-treating.

“How would they have had sex though?” Midge makes a face, not wanting to think about the poor woman. “So vampires were real too? Not as sexual, I guess. More Nosferatu than Dracula?”

[treblemaking]

"Nope." He makes the P-sounds pop extra hard. "And I now have the sweetest piece of candy to show off." He kisses her temple, proud of his own corniness.

"I'm not sure," he admits after thinking about it for a second. "Maybe the big monkey only uses his tongue?" It's disturbing but it also makes Jaskier curious. "Most vampires in my world are monstrous-looking. But there's also a very exclusive handful that are powerful enough to take on a human form. Those can get sexual sometimes to attract prey."

There's a pause before he finally admits- "You saw the scar on my ribs."